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Have you ever had a drug problem?

This isn't for judging.. I'm just looking to share experiences. So I'll go ahead.

I started trying drugs at a very early age. I was 11 & I grew up in environments that deprived me of most of my childhood.
It started with weed. Then I tried liquor shortly after. By the time I was 12 I was already starting to try different pills to see how it all felt.

So most of my usage was all weed, alcohol, & pills until I got older. After high school I was kicked out of my house & I spent time on the streets. I was homeless for a time period, which coincideded with the same time SW first opened up. I was here & I posted regularly but I never fully opened up about what I was going through. At that time I wasn't addicted to hard drugs, but I did them often.

Actually I was never truly addicted to the hard stuff. I just didn't care & I did whatever. I had a very apathetic mindset. I didn't care about anything & the way I saw life was "f*ck it, if I die then at least I don't have to be here anymore".
I think that the reason I did all those drugs was because part of me hoped it would be the reason I didn't wake up one day.

It's crazy to admit that even now because I was always such a funny person & always joking around. I still am.

The night I stopped was because I realized all that & when it all hit me I felt like absolute shit. But I knew I was lucky because I shouldn't even still be alive.
The night before, I drank the entire day, smoked nonstop, drank half a bottle of codeine, fought somebody, ran from the cops, ended up at a crack house where I proceeded to pop 3 Xanax, then I crushed 3 more Xanax & snorted all of it.
Didn't stop there though. I followed that up with 3 lines of coke, 2 bumps of meth, then last.. we smoked heroin (which shockingly was the only thing I'd never done until then).
All while I still smoked weed & drank throughout all of that 🤷

The way I felt the next day was the sickest I'd ever felt in my life & I kept asking myself "why tf am I still even here?" It was my sister's birthday & she's the most important person in my life.
I didn't even tell her happy birthday but I could waste the whole day getting f**ked up...
I hated how far I'd gone at that point.

Idk. It's not much of a quitting story but I never went back after that.
I simply got sick of feeling that way.
I joke about drugs or whatever on here sometimes but believe me it all comes from experience. I'm clean now
Although I do smoke weed all the time still 🙌😂

& I don't drink like I used to either, despite my name 😅 but I definitely still drink lol. But hey that's me I guess 🤷
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Due to an injury I sustained at the hospital I worked I've been on pain meds. (Hydrocodone) for years so I am totally habituated NOT addicted, there is a big difference. I will probably be on this med. the rest of my life. I have a titanium rod in my spine.

The meds. at least give me a modicum of quality of life. The meds. don't take all the pain away just dulls it.
@Grateful4you that’s how I am with Xanax. It helps me not want to open my skin like a birthday present when I’m in an episode.
@JustGoneNow It's too bad that much of the medical "professionals" and especially DEA see's us as addicts seeking drugs. Most Dr.'s refuse to script for Benzo's or pain meds. I'm lucky to have a decent Pain Management clinic the DEA won't bother us.
@Grateful4you 🖤🤗 What did you think of my story of getting out of the psych ward? You didn’t comment on that part.
@JustGoneNow Sorry I didn't comment. It took me back to the episodes I too went through. I can empathize with what you went through.
@Grateful4you it’s always a rabbit hole with this stuff, huh? I get it. 🖤
@JustGoneNow Exactly right Just like the song.
ChiefJustWalks · 26-30
@Grateful4you being on meds because you have to is very different than doing it because you want to & I feel for you 🙏 it's not easy regardless but at least youve been able to find something to get you through.
@ChiefJustWalks Thank you for understanding Chief.🐱