What are some idiotic things your parents have said over the years?

My real dad was convinced the Vietkong were going to invade Sydney Harbor some day, and my stepdad used to get really angry when the microwave would heat up the plate, as well as the food he was trying to cook. That made him really cranky, he'd scream "IT'S SUPPOSED TO HEAD UP THE FOOD NOT THE FUCKING PLATE, WHY DOES IT FUCKING HEAT UP THE FUCKING PLATE WHEN IT'S SUPPOSED TO HEAT UP THE FUCKING FOOD, FUCKING PIECE OF USELESS FUCKING SHIT!!". Every time he'd use the microwave he'd reach in without thinking, burn his stupid bloody hand and then start screaming about it.