Do you ever find at times in your life that your not in the mood to talk to people . (Im very odd that way)

At times then I comes across that I'm interested in them when I'm not and I have to keep up the happy face when I'm not happy , then my brain starts racing after all of the .
I wonder is it symptoms of heavy depression I have .
Before a person said to me your very odd and you dont talk as much anymore and at that time he said that I was actually very happy in myself .
I gets annoyed with myself a lot over that kind of stuff like keeping up appearances when I dont be in the mood to do Jack and have happy face cause that stuff really wrecks my head .
I'm just trying to find myself properly but it's never ending hurdles to go over .
Then when I'm good in myself I starts to mess ny own life up by acting out things I dont like acting out on .
I dont know if its depression I have or not cause at times I be thinking ofmf ending it all and I wouldn't say it to the doctor cause all they do is put you on meds which I dont want .
I'm afraid to be myself and when I'm not my head is goosed .