Do you ever find at times in your life that your not in the mood to talk to people . (Im very odd that way)

At times then I comes across that I'm interested in them when I'm not and I have to keep up the happy face when I'm not happy , then my brain starts racing after all of the .
I wonder is it symptoms of heavy depression I have .
Before a person said to me your very odd and you dont talk as much anymore and at that time he said that I was actually very happy in myself .
I gets annoyed with myself a lot over that kind of stuff like keeping up appearances when I dont be in the mood to do Jack and have happy face cause that stuff really wrecks my head .
I'm just trying to find myself properly but it's never ending hurdles to go over .
Then when I'm good in myself I starts to mess ny own life up by acting out things I dont like acting out on .
I dont know if its depression I have or not cause at times I be thinking ofmf ending it all and I wouldn't say it to the doctor cause all they do is put you on meds which I dont want .
I'm afraid to be myself and when I'm not my head is goosed .

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CallmeHopelessNotRomantic · 46-50, F

I spend the entire month of October and the first 2 weeks of November like this.

riseofthemachine · 41-45, M

@CallmeHopelessNotRomantic it's a strange time of the year isn't it . I feel like that .
I'm not a religious nut now but I think it's to do with the holy souls month .
I be nearly fit to put a rope around my neck at times with this month .
Very heavy emotions

CallmeHopelessNotRomantic · 46-50, F

@riseofthemachine I just avoid everybody. I'm not ever ok with hurting people and I'm pretty sure I would. I don't wanna ever want to hurt people, but it is a really bad time for me.

riseofthemachine · 41-45, M

@CallmeHopelessNotRomantic Is it personal problems ? .
When people hurt me I end up hurting myself cause I suppress all the anger in towards me .

CallmeHopelessNotRomantic · 46-50, F

@riseofthemachine I have PTSD and this is one of those times. I lash out. Mostly because when I'm like that, I don't really pay attention to how I say things or say something that wouldn't bother me but it does others. With the distraction I don't think about what I'm saying until it's too late.