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Roadsterrider · 56-60, M
Taking your partner for granted, they will be there no matter what happens. While this is true to a degree, some things can shift it to another level. My story is that my wife started going through menopause in her mid 30s. and refused to try HRT, her sex drive went to zero in a period of a year, I tried to talk to her about how it was affecting me, her response was to "get used to it." I could deal with medical issues, financial issues, being expected to fix everything, etc., but to just not care about how her choices affect me is a deal breaker. I am supposed to deal with the hot flashes, the mood swings, the irritableness, and all the rest of the things that go with it, but, there isn't any concern for my needs, I should get used to it. That is a deal breaker for me. I have always been the major bread winner, she is getting into a position where she can financially take care of herself, then I will get divorced. I may as well be alone on my own instead of alone and frustrated with her.
eMortal · M
@Roadsterrider She's frustrated by her medical condition, probably depressed too.
Roadsterrider · 56-60, M
@eMortal Well, then she should do something about it. She is a nurse, deals with people with this kind of issue on a regular basis and knows how it works with the families of the patients she works with. She has taken me for granted, assuming that I will be there no matter what, she has abandoned me.
eMortal · M
@Roadsterrider you should see a counselor before it's too late.
pennynoodles · 56-60, F
I understand how this is effecting you but have you tried to talk to her about how it is affecting HER? Hot flushes are simply dreadful. It's not like a normal feeling of being hot, it is something quite different. It is very embarrassing and If she has been struggling with irregular or very heavy periods, it is even worse. She may be feeling terribly guilty about her lack of sex drive too and yet is not able to talk about it to you. She is very young to go through the menopause and to simply go on HRT is not always the best answer. It comes with health risks and as a nurse, she may well see evidence of this in her patients. I would suggest talking to her again but definitely not AT her and try to be a little empathic towards how she is feeling too. I would imagine it must be pretty scary to see your body prematurely age in this way in your thirties.
By the tone of your writing, I'm not sure that your relationship can be saved as there is a hint of resentment coming through but if you do actually still love her then it may be worth a try. Good luck for the future. @Roadsterrider
By the tone of your writing, I'm not sure that your relationship can be saved as there is a hint of resentment coming through but if you do actually still love her then it may be worth a try. Good luck for the future. @Roadsterrider
Roadsterrider · 56-60, M
@pennynoodles I have tried to talk to her about how it affects her, about how it affects me. I have tried to get her to talk about how she feels about it, she isn't interested in talking about it at all. Yes, there is some resentment. I have been dealing with this for over a decade. Sex isn't the biggest or most important thing in a relationship unless you aren't getting any, then it becomes a bigger thing. Stop and think about the intimacy outside of the bedroom that you share with a significant other, a caress as he/she walks by, snuggling on the couch, tender words, playing footsies while eating out. None of that comes my way. I have a roommate that I get to have sex with on special occasions. The love part is tricky, not sure I still do.
Roadsterrider · 56-60, M
@eMortal Tried to get counseling, she informed me that she didn't need counseling, if I wanted to go to counseling for what was my problem, go ahead but she doesn't have a need for counseling.