what does your depression feels like to you? when do you know it's coming?

I'm not sure if I ever had real depression but when I am down, it always starts with [i]"what is the point of..."[/i] questions. It's a very dangerous field because I start questioning all my past actions, life decisions and future plans. I question everything. I focus only on negative things and everything feels completely futile and absurd. I wonder how can millions of people live like they live. Go everyday to work and back, eat, sleep, reproduce, have kids, bring kids to school, take kids home, cleaning on Saturdays, vacation in summer and back to work again. Work, work, work. Retire and die. Then I loathe myself that I wasn't able to manage my life better that I am probably going to be stuck at similar cycle for the rest of my life. Then instead of getting motivated to make things better for me I wallow in my misery, stare at stuff I should do to improve my skills and move forward in life but I can't find any mental strength to start.

Anxiety is much worse though. The onset of weird unrest, urge to walk around, shivers, tight chest, lump in throat, brain fog and urge to cry.

The entire universe is a torture machine operated by a demon who hates me personally, my skin and joints hurt like freezing metal, I feel this terrible guilt and that I deserve to die horribly, the world is nothing but suffering, everywhere, I have all these horrific visions of animals being torn apart, everyone secretly hates me, maybe I am in hell for real and I just never realized before. Psychotic depression is horrendous.

everything feels empty and meaningless when it's coming on

Like a heavy and dark cloud that descends over me. I don't usually see it coming, I just know that it has arrived and it will only leave when it pleases. It always leaves eventually. Unfortunately it also always comes back when it pleases. I'm not trying to be depressing, it just is what it is.

It feels like depression obviously
And you don’t know it’s coming until the doctor diagnoses it as that cause if you’ve never had it until you have it so there’s no way to actually know

Exhaustion coupled with inability to sleep. Lack of interest in almost anything. Lack of motivation. Gloomy thoughts about my eventual demise.

I don’t always know when it’s coming. Sometimes it just bitch slaps me.

When you start to feel others are happier than you, it is the beginning

it feels tired, sleepiness, general lack of energy

It started again Friday.I feel so alone.

Have you ever been to the ocean when there was a really strong current? You exert all of your energy, but you can barely move. Basic things like taking a shower and shaving feel overwhelming. You don't even feel sad necessarily, everything is just a blur, emotionally. Even when you are able to do productive or even critically important things it feels like there is no reason to do them.

That's how it is for me. I'm not going through that right now, but I have been like that in the past.