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What should I really make of this?

So my ex-wife has been listed in the Navy for a while now and she was on assignment for the past couple of months. She came back about a month ago and have been staying at my house because that's where our kids live.

We got divorced 5 years ago because I caught her in our bed with some dude. After a very messy divorce, we opted to remain friends and maintain a healthy relationship for the kids sake and that we did. Since recently, our relationship have grown extremely close since our daughter met in a minor car accident and we have been consoling each other constantly. Anyways last Wednesday night, we were in the living room after dinner and she told me that hurting me is and always will be the biggest regret off her entire life and she wish she could swing a magic wand and erase it. I laughed and told her just forget about it that's in the past and I'm glad we remained friends.

The next day she came and asked if it was at all possible for us to reconcile and mend our broken relationship and I just froze..literally. I stood there and looked at her for about 5 minutes not saying a thing. Our 8 year old then walk-in and interrupted us so I told her I would talk to her later. I just don't know what to say and I honestly don't know how to feel about all this. I mean, this woman hurt me beyond what words could ever explain but I was able to pick myself up and respect her as the mother of my children and maintain a healthy and respectful relationship with her. I honestly have never thought about her romantically since the divorce. I just don't know what to make of all this
JustA
36-40, M
13 replies 70 views Jul 16, 2021
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Edited: 2 yrs ago
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Tell her the truth that you no longer see her in a romantic way but that you still respect her as the mother of your children and would like to remain friends. That would be my advice. I got back together with my ex husband after our divorce and it just didn't work out, and it just made things way more messy. Just my experience and my two cents but the best advice I can give is follow your heart and if it's no longer in it with her don't repeat past mistakes.
+ 1 路 Reply 路 Translate 路 Jul 16, 2021 路 Edited: 2 yrs ago
JupiterDreams 路 31-35
I think you two should go to counseling together and try to work things out. I know cheating is awful and painful but maybe she truly feels remorse and wants another chance... I think everyone deserves a second chance 馃尯
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JustA 路 36-40, M
@JupiterDreams no therapist on the face of this Earth is that good
+ 2 路 Reply 路 Translate 路 Jul 16, 2021
JupiterDreams 路 31-35
@JustA It's worth a shot but you know her/the past relationship best 馃尯
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Picklebobble2 路 56-60, M
They say when thrown a question that phases you, your first instinctive response is probably the right one.

If you hadn鈥檛 ever considered reconciliation I suspect neither had she. Until now.

So that would be my first question. Why now ?

Of course only you know her well enough to make any kind of judgment on her response to that but if you鈥檙e honest, are there any conditions under which you鈥檇 consider taking her back ?

Forgetting the past (inexcusable to my mind) what could she do or say that would make you consider reconciliation ?
+ 0 路 Reply 路 Translate 路 Jul 16, 2021
mylasttimehere 路 26-30, M
You fucked up big time after deciding to stay friends with a woman who cheated on you.

I know kids are involved. But still. You even mentioned that it was a messy divorce.


Mg suggestion - emotionally stay as distant as possible from thaat woman. It's not worth it for you. Come on man, she fucked you over and yet you're even considering feelings and options?
+ 0 路 Reply 路 Translate 路 Jul 16, 2021
JustA 路 36-40, M
@mylasttimehere nah bro you're reading it all wrong or I think you are reading too much into it. Firstly, I never mentioned that I had feelings for her at any point. The only reason she staying at the house it's because our daughter met in a car accident and we both wanted to be around her 24/7. Since our divorce, the only communication we shared had to do with the kids and and everything about the kids. We never engaged in small talk about her or myself, just our kids.
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OogieBoogie 路 F
Hmmmm...
Tough situation .

And it's hard for you to be objective when feelings and history are involved.

My first question would be, why was it a messy break up ?

Why now, is she mentioning this?

And why are you now second guessing your emotions ?

Its reasonable not to throw away a good thing because of a fuck up (no pun intended)

But...has she lived in a manner all these years that ever made you believe you wanted her back, or that she only wanted you ?

The cynic in me is saying: she's just finished a term , is maybe a little lost for direction.....and you're conveniently , right there.

I feel sorry for you...this is a very difficult situation .
+ 2 路 Reply 路 Translate 路 Jul 16, 2021
Donewiththissite 路 F
I think she got caught up in the emotions and thought she'd try to see if you two could get back together again.

You haven't been interested in her in years so its best to keep your distance and avoid heartbreak again in the future.

I'm sure she'll find somebody else and you should too.
+ 0 路 Reply 路 Translate 路 Jul 17, 2021
iamnikki 路 31-35, F
You said the divorce was 5 years ago. Why is she just now wanting to get back with you?
+ 0 路 Reply 路 Translate 路 Jul 16, 2021
JustA 路 36-40, M
@iamnikki that's a really good question and unfortunately I don't care to find out
+ 0 路 Reply 路 Translate 路 Jul 16, 2021
iamnikki 路 31-35, F
@JustA well if that's the case, don't entertain it. Why did you agree to let her move back in with you and the kids?

Y'all aren't married anymore..
+ 0 路 Reply 路 Translate 路 Jul 16, 2021
OogieBoogie 路 F
By the vibe of your answers I think you already know.

Everyone is attracted to emotional stability and strength.

I think that its finally sinking in with her the mistake she made .

Which we all do ...we all fuck up.
But to fuck up trust with a betrayal....thats a big thing!

You can glue a glass vase back together, and it'll hold flowers....but it won't ever hold the light like it once did.馃様
+ 1 路 Reply 路 Translate 路 Jul 16, 2021
 
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