So I've officially been kicked out of the sewing community class...
When I started the course the tutor would sometimes attempt to embarrass for drawing my lines on my pattern incorrectly. She followed that up by telling me the other women were jealous and they would be in the group chat when she would show off my work, but the response was always positive. She would try to take me in confidence to b*tch about some of the other women but I would say "oh really, I didn't know!" and keep things to a minimum.
Last term after making my jacket my tutor was acting progressively odd with me.
She kept putting me in a room away from some of the other women and in a room with a smaller group particularly a woman she claimed was irritating for talking so much. I turned up on time every week and eager to learn. But when she started acting off with me another woman asked me what was going on, and I said I had no clue...
She would suggest I come in to do something like take photos of my work and then leave me until the very last minute to talk to me and tell me that she had a meeting or we should take them the following week.
She also suggested that I could be in the local newsletter and I needed to submit information in terms of what youtube channels I used, but I was visiting family during our half term, she didn't set a deadline. Then contacted me 2 days later saying she needed it on the Thursday that week. So I told her that was not possible since I hadn't started and was away with family which she knew. She backtracked and said that was fine.
I had asked her if I could start something new and she said she'd start me on a new task but again on my return I noticed that she left me waiting so I left the class as I was trying to sort something in regards to my puppy. The week after was the last week of the term and I text her to say I wouldn't be attending the class.
We exchanged text messages only for her to say I was using the class as a drop in session when I wasn't, I had told her that I was stepping back until the next term as she was unable to get to me, despite me waiting patiently. That she had suggested I become a volunteer which wasn't my request, but I was happy and grateful she saw the potential in me.
I saw her after the exchange and I know she saw me because she did a uturn to avoid me.
It's a shame really how it turned out because I was starting to feel apart of something and she basically put a stop to it, I feel because despite her attempts to sway me she could see I was really showing positive growth.
Everything happens for a reason. Its not stopped me wanting to learn how to sew...
I'm really proud to say that I have made this entirely on my own and from a pattern I learned to make by myself. The fabric was really difficult to work with but despite being a beginner I'm really happy with the results. Especially as this is from scrap material. I had to do a patch up job to ensure I had enough material.
I had a similar experience many years ago. As an undergrad, I became involved with a creative community of writers, musicians, and theatrical performers, but my connection to this group was primarily through one individual. Most of the people in the group were 5-10 years older than me, already experienced and established in their respective fields. Some held university positions. Despite the disparity in age and experience, most in the community were warm and cordial toward me, although at first I felt that I had little to contribute. In time, I began to take part in various projects, becoming less of an observer and more of a contributor, and although I felt that my contributions were sincerely appreciated, I never completely gained insider status with this group, many of whom would continue to view me as a subordinate to the person who had initially introduced me.
In the beginning, I accepted this role, and looked to this individual as somewhat of a mentor, even though the feedback I would get from this person was often very negative and harshly critical, at times even disrespectful. For instance, my mentor assigned me a "nickname" that was roughly equivalent to "idiot" and would frequently address me this way in front of others (but in one-on-one conversations would use my real name). Being a novice at the time, I took these remarks in stride, believing them to be (somewhat harsh) reminders that I really needed to "unlearn" all of my preconceived notions. However, as one might imagine, this ongoing treatment would really wear on me over time.
My mentor would make decisions and plan events for me, often with little or no advance notice (a phone call saying "you're being picked up in 20 minutes, be ready"). My mentor liked to dictate whom within the group I could develop close associations with, and made sure to be present at any function I attended. My mentor was particularly wary of any contact I would have with community members outside of an "inner circle" of people in the group that my mentor tended to work closely with. My mentor would warn me away from certain individuals and cliques within the community, and encourage me to connect mostly with the “inner circle.”
My input into the greater community was limited. In the beginning, my mentor would always make a point of including me in conversations (many of which were, frankly, over my head at the time) or soliciting my input even though I was at the time primarily an observer and I might not have had anything relevant to add. My mentor had wanted me to get into the habit of participating, with the reminder that one never knows where the next insight might come from. It was, however, very much a "speak when spoken to" arrangement -- unsolicited input would be harshly interrupted with "shut up, you're not concerned with this" or "stop babbling, idiot" (using the pejorative 'nickname'). If a community member asked for my input on something and my mentor didn't feel that I was qualified to render an opinion, my mentor would quickly jump in before I could speak, or try to change the subject.
My mentor would also actively exclude me from participating in projects that were outside of the "inner circle." Occasionally, I would approach the working group of a project that I was interested in, only to be told that my mentor had warned them I would try to get involved, and that they had been told to refuse. No particular reason was needed, my mentor being an established member of the community, so "no means no." I later learned that there were times when community members had specifically requested my involvement in projects, which my mentor had turned down. Why these people felt they had to ask for permission to include me is a mystery, but that's the way this group operated. As I stated earlier, I never really achieved full membership; in many members' eyes, I was still my mentor's protege even though I was on a first name basis with most of them!
Over time, I could sense that my relationship with my mentor had soured considerably. I had bailed on a few social gatherings my mentor had ordered me to attend, and this was viewed as deep insubordination. Please bear in mind that despite the large commitment of time on my part, most of my involvement with the creative community was extracurricular (at best) to my education. I was still a college student at the time, with exams and papers due and all of that, and working a full-time job to support myself -- all of my efforts with the artistic community were on a volunteer basis, none of it was paid work -- and also trying to have some kind of meagre personal life. To be honest, my mentor's demands on my time were ridiculous to begin with, but once I became a senior and had to focus on finishing my degree, I simply didn't have the time to devote to these events.
As a result, perhaps predictably, I was invited to less and less of them. I was no longer being included in creative projects at all. I would sometimes be invited to the "after-party," but not the main event itself. In the end, after a period of almost six years of involvement with these people, I severed all ties. By this time I had graduated and been accepted into grad school, moved into my own residence, and other major life events, yet none of which were celebrated by this group of people I had known and worked with for all these years. Clearly, my connection to these folks was nowhere near as close as I had previously believed.
@CBarson that's awful... Well I took on a studio assistant role with a photographer and honestly it's a similar situation. I don't know why these people seem to behave in this way. But it's a control thing and she royally took the piss. From the beginning she made all these promises and we were going to achieve so much... The only thing we she was able to live up to was getting us into a London fashion week event but that was pretty much after emailing and begging people to let us in. She suggested I be paid a day rate in stead of an hourly rate. Fine. But when it came to lunch I was happy to buy by own but she decided to act all generous by buying lunch only for me to not be able to get what I wanted and we shared a meal that she ate most of. I told her I was starting my sewing classes on Thursdays and Fridays and again all she did was ask me to come into the office on the Thursday and Friday... So to sabotage what I am doing. She's an idiot. I had dedicated so much of my time to her including leaving my dog longer than I had wanted and then having to get my mum to go and check in on him because I could see from the cctv it was too much for him. She also tried to get me to pay for her snacks and I stupidly ended up buying her Mcdonalds with my own card like an idiot. That was the first and last time. She then said to me to submit my invoice I admit I did mess it up as I didn't realise the clock was on 24 hours not 12 hours so it ended up looking like I was working longer than I was. But I amended it and resolved that. She then paid me £1 claiming it was to test my account details were correct.
I had to call her a day or so later which was by mistake and after my job interview (I thought I was calling my agency) but I just sold it as, I'm keeping you in the loop! 🤦🏾♀️
Either way as I'm freelance she has no right to demand so much of my time when the contract I signed is 4 hours a week 16per month. So she needs to be more organised so I can work to meet that time frame. She said she'd send me work yet. Nothing has been sent to me other than her inviting me to an event that you have to buy tickets for. Will she pay? More than likely not!
@CBarson people with position of power and a massive chip on their shoulder think they can get away with shit like that! Glad you moved on to bigger and better
Your sewing proves u can go your own way. You don't need a b#tchy class to put u down. I am sure u will miss a few people in there like friends u must have made.
@SW-User thank you hun. I appreciate this. Im just as surprised as you are. I didn't come there to steal her job I came there to learn, I always thought teachers liked when students had a keen Interest. Yes I had one woman say I was a teachers pet but you know, that's silliness..
SW-User
Absolutely… it is silliness and I’m sorry you experienced that from so called educated women.
As you said, things happen for a reason and I’m sure this will pave way for a bright and promising future for you whatever that may be… seriously it’s this kind of experience that shows the ugly nature of their character not yours.
And it’s a bloody shame they couldn’t choose better re the support you obviously needed.
Don’t lose heart … this experience will lead to better opportunities so in the end you only have them to thank for it 😘
@being I think she was the one with the problem with me because everyone said how well I took to it. People were coming to me for help and what was so sad was the fact that she had said I was her helper. But she didn't like it. She was the jealous one. I started to feel quite angry without even knowing why. She was inststent that we remain quiet, not use our phone even if we were just waiting and doing nothing, even though she gave us the WiFi password... I may have said something negative about her, mostly asking whether some of the other women understood her explanations when she spoke to me because she was very confusing. Oh well it wasn't meant to be.
