End Game (short story bs)
I once was a player not intentionally i just wanted to be in love with someone
Even tho i was married for 20 years a % of the time i was unhappy and wanted out an escape or more life or whatever instead of being under an angry person’s thumb and having an empty relationship
I used to cyber people online it probably started in 2009 idk
I was raised in a very religious home by our dad mostly who was super strict.. our mom not so much religiously but in other things. It was my dad’s side of the family that was religious his mom’s influence mostly
I’m not close to my mom’s side of the family, her dad was a pastor and he didn't believe in the bible .. they were from my mother’s country and he wanted to come to America so he made my mother come here.. to a bible school.. that’s where my parents met..
Anyway her father wanted her to stay here but she went back home without telling him because of her student visa (her dad wanted her to stay past her visa but she didn't want to because it wasn't legal) anyway it just happened that when she got to her home country’s airport that her family was there for her aunt so they saw her and she went home with them (she wasn't going to tell them that she had returned to her country)
My dad who for some reason fancied himself in love with her went to her country to marry her.. i don't think my mom really wanted to marry him i think her dad wanted her to.. so they got married (my aunt told me recently that my mom was in love with someone else back in her home country but i never knew this till last year) my mom used to throw jealous fits at my dad accusing him of liking blond women (i don't think my dad had any particular fancy for blond women if anything it was my mom maybe who fancied blonds but whatever she was crazy)
I ran away from home as a teen because of her because she started attacking me not physically but with insane accusations she even had my dad believing her insane bs i was like wtf im your daughter how could you think such stupid stuff like wtf
At the time i did not use such language and such but i do now and that was the basic sentiment so i got out of there because basically it was a hostile environment for me
I lost count how many times i ran away and finally i got married.. i not longer felt at home with my family but i did with my husband
But then i got jealous of his being with other women and i ran away from him too i even went back to my family but it was too hot at their house so i went back with my husband
In this story i failed to mention the 12 guys i went out with “all the way” mostly one time flings i never saw before or since.. not that i never wanted to it’s just how it was.. 6 before i got married and 6 after until i stopped in 2008 maybe idk i went out with three guys in one day (not at the same time) anyway they were drug dealers and a pimp in Ft Worth or something actually i thought about reporting them but i didn't want them to know it was me (telling on them) so i never did
But i never went out with anyone ever again but i started cybering people online very carelessly
Then i met my brother’s mother in law (my middle brother’s) and she was a complete paycho scumbag who attempted to screw every man she could find and then accuse them of rape.. and quite frankly i was disgusted at her .. like dude if all these men are raping you then why do you keep bring them home like total BS.. she was the sexual predator and psycho af. She even thew herself at my brother naked wanting to hook up with him when he was married to her daughter and said daughter was expecting their baby.. just zero morals.. disgusting
Because of her i tried to clean up my act completely because i wanted to be Nothing like her .. in a way i never was like her because at least i don't accuse guys of rape when i’m the one trying to get with them but whatever i was just disgusted completely
For 8 years maybe i quit cybering people idk..
But then the war in Israel came and some guy online said hi to me and just like that i was 🥰🥰🥰 and then i started cybering people again 3 people that is the … anyway one guy i went out with irl because he lived near me and because he was unmarried and did not have a vasectomy and because i wanted a baby more than anything (i guess it’s not rational given the state of my house but i think children are lovely.. that being said i only wanted one because i was from a big poor family and we could never afford anything so i just wanted one kid that i could do anything for and i always imagined her to be a daughter) sigh
Anyway i probably freaked the guy out.. we broke up multiple times in retrospect he i guess wanted to end contact for awhile i just didn't understand what he was saying..
When we broke up tho i told him things that were probably misconstrued idk what i was thinking .. when i told him whatever it was i told him that i had a crush on a hundred guys and i was going to go out with someone else 🙄 which is probably what i thought at the time but whatever
The truth is that he was very special to me and i felt more for him than i ever felt for anyone in my entire life but i guess it doesn't matter because i stayed home with my hub… i left him and went back to my hub and then pushed him away for family honor..
I guess it doesn't matter because the guy would never even tell me his name.. he wanted to screw a bunch of women and i had half a fear that he was into human trafficking but who knows
Insanity knows no end but i cared about him and his emotional state and happiness and he liked a lot of things i liked which were a problem i had with my husband that he hates many things that i love and so i am without them and it’s frustrating
Anyway because i was all 😭😭😭💔💔💔 over the guy i decided that i will no longer flirt with guys anymore as long as i am married.. if i can’t leave my husband first than anything is just a waste of time and 💔 not to mention wrong.
And i don't want 💔 for myself and i don't want it for anyone else that i care about and i’m not going to bother with people i don't care about
And i give up the baby craze cause i started reading the bible and just the threats i happened to read in in the curses per say warned me off..
You know i wanted that dude’s baby.. i thought she would be cute.. i could see her in my mind eye very clearly.. i wanted to ask my hub if it was ok (to have that dude’s baby) but the obvious answer is fuck no.. so i never asked but i missed the dude
I never wrote about all this stuff because i dont want people to think ill of me or to give myself a bad name or whatever even tho i was dying to vent about it 🤐
The other day i was at my mom’s house and her friend said i lost weight (i haven't had an appetite lately) she also said her sister in law wouldn't like my tank top cause it showed cleavage and that was whorish., i didn't say anything but i thought to myself .. showing cleavage doesn't make a person a whore.. screwing thirteen men does 😅 but i didn't say anything of course 🙄
I keep my thoughts to myself most days even on here.. i have like 184 drafts cause i thought twice about posting them.. crazy stuff maybe or not..
But i will post this no matter how vile because it’s reality and it is what it is.. i never wanted to have a fucked up life.. i miss that well i miss having a life .. i’d probably be married with five kids by now if my family had let me be normal and go to school or maybe i would have went in the army and died.. who knows
Just life is whatever ..
I’m not a saintly person.. i occasionally try but i’m easily distracted and my lack of housekeeping is a horror show but i blame that on my husband for selling our house and going from three bedrooms to zero and i’m not ready to get rid of my stuff.. tho i may have to force myself to at this point
Other people have lost their houses and things and lives to floods and wars but .. here i sit with a bunch of **** that i don't need and maybe don't want idk it’s just a big chore i am avoiding to sort through it all..
I’m too lazy to read this to check for typos so.. but i did now 😳 my apologizes to anyone who reads this i realize some people might hate me for it but whatever, i’m not saying i approve of anything i did but that’s what i did in overview if i could go back in time to stop myself from being stupid believe me i would.. not to go into any details which i don't care to get into..
Idk how long i will leave this up.. but for a minute anyway.. this is my dirty laundry thus far 😳😒 people..
Even tho i was married for 20 years a % of the time i was unhappy and wanted out an escape or more life or whatever instead of being under an angry person’s thumb and having an empty relationship
I used to cyber people online it probably started in 2009 idk
I was raised in a very religious home by our dad mostly who was super strict.. our mom not so much religiously but in other things. It was my dad’s side of the family that was religious his mom’s influence mostly
I’m not close to my mom’s side of the family, her dad was a pastor and he didn't believe in the bible .. they were from my mother’s country and he wanted to come to America so he made my mother come here.. to a bible school.. that’s where my parents met..
Anyway her father wanted her to stay here but she went back home without telling him because of her student visa (her dad wanted her to stay past her visa but she didn't want to because it wasn't legal) anyway it just happened that when she got to her home country’s airport that her family was there for her aunt so they saw her and she went home with them (she wasn't going to tell them that she had returned to her country)
My dad who for some reason fancied himself in love with her went to her country to marry her.. i don't think my mom really wanted to marry him i think her dad wanted her to.. so they got married (my aunt told me recently that my mom was in love with someone else back in her home country but i never knew this till last year) my mom used to throw jealous fits at my dad accusing him of liking blond women (i don't think my dad had any particular fancy for blond women if anything it was my mom maybe who fancied blonds but whatever she was crazy)
I ran away from home as a teen because of her because she started attacking me not physically but with insane accusations she even had my dad believing her insane bs i was like wtf im your daughter how could you think such stupid stuff like wtf
At the time i did not use such language and such but i do now and that was the basic sentiment so i got out of there because basically it was a hostile environment for me
I lost count how many times i ran away and finally i got married.. i not longer felt at home with my family but i did with my husband
But then i got jealous of his being with other women and i ran away from him too i even went back to my family but it was too hot at their house so i went back with my husband
In this story i failed to mention the 12 guys i went out with “all the way” mostly one time flings i never saw before or since.. not that i never wanted to it’s just how it was.. 6 before i got married and 6 after until i stopped in 2008 maybe idk i went out with three guys in one day (not at the same time) anyway they were drug dealers and a pimp in Ft Worth or something actually i thought about reporting them but i didn't want them to know it was me (telling on them) so i never did
But i never went out with anyone ever again but i started cybering people online very carelessly
Then i met my brother’s mother in law (my middle brother’s) and she was a complete paycho scumbag who attempted to screw every man she could find and then accuse them of rape.. and quite frankly i was disgusted at her .. like dude if all these men are raping you then why do you keep bring them home like total BS.. she was the sexual predator and psycho af. She even thew herself at my brother naked wanting to hook up with him when he was married to her daughter and said daughter was expecting their baby.. just zero morals.. disgusting
Because of her i tried to clean up my act completely because i wanted to be Nothing like her .. in a way i never was like her because at least i don't accuse guys of rape when i’m the one trying to get with them but whatever i was just disgusted completely
For 8 years maybe i quit cybering people idk..
But then the war in Israel came and some guy online said hi to me and just like that i was 🥰🥰🥰 and then i started cybering people again 3 people that is the … anyway one guy i went out with irl because he lived near me and because he was unmarried and did not have a vasectomy and because i wanted a baby more than anything (i guess it’s not rational given the state of my house but i think children are lovely.. that being said i only wanted one because i was from a big poor family and we could never afford anything so i just wanted one kid that i could do anything for and i always imagined her to be a daughter) sigh
Anyway i probably freaked the guy out.. we broke up multiple times in retrospect he i guess wanted to end contact for awhile i just didn't understand what he was saying..
When we broke up tho i told him things that were probably misconstrued idk what i was thinking .. when i told him whatever it was i told him that i had a crush on a hundred guys and i was going to go out with someone else 🙄 which is probably what i thought at the time but whatever
The truth is that he was very special to me and i felt more for him than i ever felt for anyone in my entire life but i guess it doesn't matter because i stayed home with my hub… i left him and went back to my hub and then pushed him away for family honor..
I guess it doesn't matter because the guy would never even tell me his name.. he wanted to screw a bunch of women and i had half a fear that he was into human trafficking but who knows
Insanity knows no end but i cared about him and his emotional state and happiness and he liked a lot of things i liked which were a problem i had with my husband that he hates many things that i love and so i am without them and it’s frustrating
Anyway because i was all 😭😭😭💔💔💔 over the guy i decided that i will no longer flirt with guys anymore as long as i am married.. if i can’t leave my husband first than anything is just a waste of time and 💔 not to mention wrong.
And i don't want 💔 for myself and i don't want it for anyone else that i care about and i’m not going to bother with people i don't care about
And i give up the baby craze cause i started reading the bible and just the threats i happened to read in in the curses per say warned me off..
You know i wanted that dude’s baby.. i thought she would be cute.. i could see her in my mind eye very clearly.. i wanted to ask my hub if it was ok (to have that dude’s baby) but the obvious answer is fuck no.. so i never asked but i missed the dude
I never wrote about all this stuff because i dont want people to think ill of me or to give myself a bad name or whatever even tho i was dying to vent about it 🤐
The other day i was at my mom’s house and her friend said i lost weight (i haven't had an appetite lately) she also said her sister in law wouldn't like my tank top cause it showed cleavage and that was whorish., i didn't say anything but i thought to myself .. showing cleavage doesn't make a person a whore.. screwing thirteen men does 😅 but i didn't say anything of course 🙄
I keep my thoughts to myself most days even on here.. i have like 184 drafts cause i thought twice about posting them.. crazy stuff maybe or not..
But i will post this no matter how vile because it’s reality and it is what it is.. i never wanted to have a fucked up life.. i miss that well i miss having a life .. i’d probably be married with five kids by now if my family had let me be normal and go to school or maybe i would have went in the army and died.. who knows
Just life is whatever ..
I’m not a saintly person.. i occasionally try but i’m easily distracted and my lack of housekeeping is a horror show but i blame that on my husband for selling our house and going from three bedrooms to zero and i’m not ready to get rid of my stuff.. tho i may have to force myself to at this point
Other people have lost their houses and things and lives to floods and wars but .. here i sit with a bunch of **** that i don't need and maybe don't want idk it’s just a big chore i am avoiding to sort through it all..
I’m too lazy to read this to check for typos so.. but i did now 😳 my apologizes to anyone who reads this i realize some people might hate me for it but whatever, i’m not saying i approve of anything i did but that’s what i did in overview if i could go back in time to stop myself from being stupid believe me i would.. not to go into any details which i don't care to get into..
Idk how long i will leave this up.. but for a minute anyway.. this is my dirty laundry thus far 😳😒 people..
