Only logged in members can reply and interact with the post.
Join SimilarWorlds for FREE »

The group is the title. [I Am Embarrassed]

My family just thinks I'm a terrible person. They think I [b]pretended[/b] to be an alcoholic for attention and even beside that, they accused me of things so terrible I'm not even sure I want to speak of them, here. They harassed me day in and day out until I finally had a breakdown while drunk and ended up making a scene on the front lawn. All the neighbors came out to watch the show until an ambulance came to take me away.

The struggles I already had that lead me to drinking, on top of them treating me like shit, was just too much so I broke and humiliated myself.

To this day, there's been no justice; no redemption. My neighbors saw me screaming and crying like a baby and my family all still think I'm just this awful dreg. It remains that way and it will stay that way forever and there's nothing I can do about it. No matter how much I want scream at them and drill into their skull that I'm not everything they conveniently made me up to be, their skull is too thick to drill into and they're gonna think whatever they wanna think.

I carry this burden.
This page is a permanent link to the reply below and its nested replies. See all post replies »
Sometimes I think of John Nash and how his schizophrenia made him see people during his lectures and although he was a genius and genuinely well respected for his work a lot of people treated him with wonder like a wild animal because they couldnt see or understand what he was going through. The thing is,every mind has a breaking point,just as your heart and lungs do too ,but we often take as such for granted and treat others suffering as our entertainment . I am sorry you went through that,but you are not the embarrassment
SinlessOnslaught · 26-30, M
@PepsiColaP My second oldest brother (I have a lot of brothers) keeps telling me "I don't believe in that "I am Hulk" shit. Your veins didn't turn green and you didn't turn into a monster. It was you. You could have stopped anytime you wanted." So I appreciate you saying that, about breaking points. My family may think I just did it for attention or whatever, but in reality they pushed me to my breaking point.
SinlessOnslaught · 26-30, M
@PepsiColaP I just can't get over this eternal rage I have against all of them. No matter what I do, my blood is always boiling because of them.
@SinlessOnslaught it sounds like you need to put boundaries for yourself. It doesnt mean you have to completely cut them off your life . Space from people who cause you to feel that way is probably the best thing you can do for yourself
SinlessOnslaught · 26-30, M
@PepsiColaP You have a point. But there's a gravity pulling me back to them. My dad supports me financially because of my mental illness. We don't think I'm ready to support myself. Ironically, his behavior exacerbates my illness. So I don't know what to do.
@SinlessOnslaught I understand. Having your own safe space requires resources that are generally speaking more easily accessible when you are stable enough to take care of them. And for that you need support. I know it isnt easy. But I would try to adopt techniques that help with blocking out negative speech or behaviours coming for others and sort of becoming desensitized to it. Although again its easier said than done and trust me I do know. But it can help
SW-User
@SinlessOnslaught
You need to make this decision for yourself my friend.
Think about making a plan to support yourself and get away on your own as soon as you can.
You should dictate your future not your family.

I know it's not easy but it has to start with you.
Best of luck to you 👍
SinlessOnslaught · 26-30, M
@PepsiColaP @SW-User I'll try.
SinlessOnslaught · 26-30, M
@PepsiColaP I want a good relationship with my family 😭
@SinlessOnslaught I know. I think once you are independent and in a better place yourself you will
SinlessOnslaught · 26-30, M
@PepsiColaP I hope so.