I Get So Embarrassed When I Embarrass Myself

well now im sure my neighbours think im a disgusting pig.. uggh so embarrassing

I noticed that a lot of my medication was gone from its usual spot and after looking for ages in a panic, I finally thought damn maybe I accidently put it in the garbage bin when I was cleaning the house..
so I go outside and start digging through my bin and I should mention I am short so I was literally in the bin with only my legs out (yes it was gross) finally I find my medicine and as soon as I poke my head out of bin I see my neighbours looking over the fence in disgust..

now after a shower, I still feel gross knowing my neighbours seen what they seen.. uggh I hate my life at times

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Hikurai · 41-45, M

That must have been interesting to see. Personally, if I was your neighbor I would have walked over with a flashlight and asked if you needed help. Because obviously you are in the bin for a reason (logic usually alludes me but that one seems obvious).

And if I was you and saw my neighbor staring at me, I would wave and say good morning/afternoon/evening. Because I really don't care what people think about me. I am me and if people cannot except that I will find others who will and ignore the ones who (actually, I am the type who is always trying to be befriend my enemies so ignoring them is a lie).

I am glad you found your meds. In all honesty, that is WAY more important than what people think about you. That's just my opinion.

PlumBerries · 31-35, F

@Hikurai a flashlight would have been good. I was using my phone wrapped in a plastic bag lol..
I didn't say anything I just pretty much ran to my backyard and went through the back door so I was away from them quickly. I haven't spoke much to those neighbours and well im not so good at talking in person at the best of times and certainly not when im embarrassed so yeah that was easier for me

but yes I have my medicine back so I can relax now

Hikurai · 41-45, M

@PlumBerries I totally understand where you are coming from. I used to very introverted and hated talking to people. I was kinda forced in life to change that mentality and now talking to people is part of my job. Not only that but I have to be charismatic (something I definitely lacked in the past). I think you handle yourself well.

Haha you are not the only one who uses your phone as a light. I have done that plenty of times when working on helicopters (a BIG no-go).

PlumBerries · 31-35, F

how did you change yourself to be more social? my job requires me to be social as well but I still really struggle with it

Hikurai · 41-45, M

I was in the military and forced into leadership positions, which required I gave sound guidance or it would cost my squadmates their lives. There is no place for timidity on the battlefield. You have to be charismatic and outgoing or people will not follow you and their death will be on your head.

Another side reason, I had PTSD and found my cure was to talk to people, get to know them... learn their traits and even help them if I could. I wish I could empress this solution to more vet who struggle with the disorder. At any rate, I learned how to be very outgoing.

PlumBerries · 31-35, F

well damn I am sure that would force you to change in a hurry considering lives are literally at stake. sounds really stressful if im being honest.

im really sorry to hear that, I am glad you found a way to cope with it and as you said a cure for it

Hikurai · 41-45, M

Overcoming stress and other struggles is what makes us stronger. I am happy I was thrown into very stressful situations because it makes everything else pale in comparison. Yes, I did find a cure for my PTSD. I haven't had an outburst in almost a decade. However, there are many vets here in the US who never learn to cope... I have lost 5 friends to the disorder. This is another reason why I continue to fight. I won't be a statistic.