Conversation starters

I can't sleep rn and I realized I have almost nobody to talk to on here. Mostly cause I stopped answering messages that just say hello, hello how are you, what do you like, etc.
So I thought I would give suggestions to folks on how to make engaging conversation:

1. Read a person's profile first and try to find something unique about them to start a conversation around. Don't just reiterate something you found on their profile, make it a question or give an interesting perspective.

2. Be specific with questions. I can't begin to count the number of times I've been asked what do I enjoy doing. Clearly you haven't read my profile if you ask me that. And it's such a vague question that's hard to even decide where to begin to answer sometimes.

3. If you are asking a question, before you hit send think about how you would answer it. If just thinking about answering it annoys you, it will probably annoy the other person more to actually have to respond. So again come up with better questions.

4. Adapt to who you're talking to. Some people like to lead a conversation, others like to follow. Some people need to get comfortable before they start sharing, others might be open straight away.

5. Stop apologizing too much. This might be a personal one, but it's such a turn off. What you message me on here will almost never offend me.

Not sure how helpful these will be. I could probably keep going but I'll stop there for now.

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Redstar · 36-40, M

I think you're putting too much pressure on people.

So they have to find something really interesting to say or have a unique perspective. What if they don't? Or maybe they do but they don't think it's interesting or unique? What if they've tried doing that in the past and only gotten negative responses? Plenty of times I've said something I thought was fine, turns out it wasn't but then the next person I talk to I hold back but it turns out it would have been fine to say to them. Everybody is different.

You mention that some people need to get comfortable before they start talking, which can include saying simple things like "hi, how are you?' just to get the ball rolling. Maybe that's what makes them comfortable. I don't see asking how you are is such a bad thing. But I do understand it can get boring, so I think people need to stop doing that every day but when it's just the first message, I don't see a problem with it. Something more might be nice but I don't think it should be seen as a necessity. Like there's this checklist you have to complete in order to be able to talk to someone.

And answering a question is different for everyone. There are questions I'd not feel comfortable answering, at least not with a stranger but I know there's other people who would be perfectly fine answering them.

gabisart · 26-30, F

@Redstar these are just suggestions. Won't work all the time, won't work on everyone. If your takeaway is just to send out hi how are yous to everyone, then so be it.

Redstar · 36-40, M

@gabisart How was your take away from [i]everything [/i]I said, that i think just saying "hi how are you" is enough? That obviously wasn't my point [i]at all[/i]...🙄

gabisart · 26-30, F

@Redstar you said I'm putting to much pressure on people. And then you said saying hi how are you is not as bad as I'm saying it is. So what else would you like me to take away from your comment.

If someone puts in more effort and still gets a negative response then that sucks. But they should be putting themselves in the best position to succeed which is definitely not a hi how are you.