In my youth, I lived mostly in shame knowing I was the "stupid boy" failing every High School subject other than Drama class. I ignored the teachers entirely, never did classroom assignments, never studied for a test. I hated myself knowing I would never amount to anything.
Ironically, I lived in the library which I considered my sanctuary. Books were my escape and my safe place. Teachers didn't understand how such an obviously mentally challenged young man would be so absorbed and enchanted by the works of Ibsen, Dostoyevski, Hemingway, Sartre, and so on.
Spending hours on end relishing the language of poets and the way they stirred something deep in my soul. The chills down my spine understanding Edna St.Vincent Millays words, "Oh God I can push the grass apart and lay my finger on thy heart" Yet, I became an atheist at around age 16 because of the sheer absurdity I was reading in the bible.
It wasn't until I discovered LSD in the 60's that I felt a sense of clarity, and a sense of belonging, the inter-connectedness of all things. The sheer perfection of nature, the realization that all living beings have a unique intelligence, emotion, capable of empathy, that NO man should have dominion over animals, birds or reptiles.
That all life has a vibration, an energy, and consciousness of some kind.
Eventually, I did seek higher education it was difficult because I questioned nearly everything and had never learned correct study habits. I surprised mostly myself with my outstanding grades. How such a stupid boy fell in love with a classroom still amazes me.
I enjoyed a nice career in management where my personal goal was to empower my employee's, to instill in them self-confidence, self-esteem, and sought to delegate responsibilities to enable them to climb the management ladder.
I have my own "Theory of stupidity" Embrace it!
