Things people say that drive me right up the wall

But you're about to do a pretty darn good impression of someone who is.
No. You're intentionally asking provocative questions based on half truths or even outright lies, meant to lead people to a false conclusion. You're actually worse than a liar.
They said, disrespectfully...
Translation: "I'm about to formulate a straw man and pretend it's what you just said, because I'm incapable of arguing with what you actually said."
Whatabout if you stay on topic for 5 seconds?