twistedrope · 26-30, M
I dob't enjoy dealing with a dismissive attitude. And those jabs are critiques of a person. Very cruel.
This person is dismissive of you and critical of you. I don't think they want to be around you. In my experience, dealing with these people means 3 things.
1. Don't disagree or warn.I never disagree with these people because that would require some level that they want to hear what I have to say. They don't.
2. I just take whatever action necasary. I understand "I can't rely on you." and just fix the thing myself or pay someone to fiz it. I might even say when they take issue "You were dismissive of my genuine concerns, I can't rely on you." and I'd just repeat that. I've only had to say that once but it will happen again.
3. Realize, this person has no part to play in my life.
This person is dismissive of you and critical of you. I don't think they want to be around you. In my experience, dealing with these people means 3 things.
1. Don't disagree or warn.I never disagree with these people because that would require some level that they want to hear what I have to say. They don't.
2. I just take whatever action necasary. I understand "I can't rely on you." and just fix the thing myself or pay someone to fiz it. I might even say when they take issue "You were dismissive of my genuine concerns, I can't rely on you." and I'd just repeat that. I've only had to say that once but it will happen again.
3. Realize, this person has no part to play in my life.
LadyBronte · 61-69, F
@twistedrope I agree with all 4. I pretty much live a life on my own, doing my own thing. I rarely mention anything these days, unless it is for safety sake. We communicate less and less with each passing day. Often, no words at all pass between us for multiple consecutive days at a time.
Mickey1212 · 56-60, MNew
Unfortunately I do... I try to limit my exposure to them. If I am going to have to interact with them. I prepare to keep it short and sweet. Limiting conversation since I can't relate to what they're saying anyway. Generally I don't worry much about making sense or how they perceive me. It's not like we socialize or travel in the same circles.
Still I know it can be difficult sometimes. Depending on my mood or if I'm busy, etc.
Best of luck....
Still I know it can be difficult sometimes. Depending on my mood or if I'm busy, etc.
Best of luck....
LadyBronte · 61-69, F
@Mickey1212 Yesp. I also minimize conversations and interaction. It's my only avenue.
Wiseacre · F
Why minimize? Cut out!@LadyBronte
Busybee333 · 31-35, F
You must always be okay with entertaining a different idea than your own in your mind. It does not mean you accept it. You just have to wonder - could this person be right ? Let's see.. Similarly you must always do what is right and safe for all. In this situation, the overly confident person who thinks that you are wrong or imagining the problem should verify the situation anyway (even if they don't believe there might be a problem). Just because they care about your well-being. Not only physical but also psychological. It seems they let you hang in your worries by disregarding your words. Or, you should have gone together to the door so that you can explain "why" you believe it may be broken. Never be 100% sure until you check. Better safe than sorry :) If you can, try to hang out with people that sustain that mutual respect value. And this one person... seems like they only believe when they experience something themselves = bring them to the thing so that they can see the truth themselves!
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ScreamingFox · 41-45, F
LadyBronte · 61-69, F
@ScreamingFox I get that. To be honest, I'm tired of taking care of everything for everyone.
I'd hate to be treated that way so I understand your feeling angry and hurt. It may seem childish, but who cares...for the next few days I would start my sentences with that person this way, ''Hey, it's -all-in-your-head, there's a package for you'', ''Oh, it's-all-in- your-head, I'm going shopping''. You'll get a strange look from that person for sure and they might not even reply but if they have some brain inside their head, they'd figure out that you're sick and tired of their dismissive behavior and lack of respect and I have a feeling this would make them stop doing it.
It would be best though that you speak to that person and tell them exactly what you told us because they need to know just how much it affects you when they do this.
It would be best though that you speak to that person and tell them exactly what you told us because they need to know just how much it affects you when they do this.
LadyBronte · 61-69, F
@LilMissAnonyMOUSE I am not that passive-aggressive. I'm just blunt.
I tried the communication thing. That is a joke with this person.
I tried the communication thing. That is a joke with this person.
@LadyBronte The objective of my suggestion is to make the person know what it feels like if the tables were turned and they heard those words from someone else, much like asking them ''Do you see how you really look to others?'' The point is to make them realize just how tactless they were behaving and hopefully, they'll stop doing it because they are being made aware of the situation. If they take it as a joke, then sadly, you're dealing with an emotionally immature person. Their dismissiveness and making another feel that ''no one can discuss it because isn't a "real" issue'' is pure gaslighting. Your question of, ''How does anyone deal with someone who has that kind of mentality?'' That's how I would personally deal with it if a person behaved that way with me. You say you are blunt and have tried communicating with the person, but if none of those have worked, I hope other commenters can give the answer you seek.
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Dexiter · 70-79, M
@FoxyQueen your right that would have been a more accurate response. But everyone is intitled to their opinion. I just disagree with the one shown here. I personally believe women no longer respect men.unless they meet certain standards that that are impractical and don't respect men you cannot demasculate every man to fit your own desires. Maybe you watch too much of the Hallmark Channel.
ThePatientAnarchist · 61-69
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Adogslife · 61-69, M
It’s usually someone that’s not very smart or they’re manipulative and controlling. It can also be a male that is trying to show dominance over a woman.
Regardless, sometimes you just have to lose it on them so badly they’re forced to listen. Lousy advise, but it’ll work (at least temporarily). 🫤
Regardless, sometimes you just have to lose it on them so badly they’re forced to listen. Lousy advise, but it’ll work (at least temporarily). 🫤
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Livingwell · 61-69, M
I'm living that dream. Never mind that I'm the one taking care of everything. 🙄
LadyBronte · 61-69, F
@Livingwell Yep. I understand that one.
Ontheroad · M
Honestly, I don't know how you do it. My solution with people like that is to turn and walk away... and keep on walking until they are nothing but a bad memory..
Ontheroad · M
@LadyBronte such a sad way to have to live, but I know it's sometimes very difficult, if not impssible, to make the break. It sounds like you've developed coping mechanisms, but I hope you have plans to eventually put an end to the misery.
Nobody should be treated with such disrespect... hugs.
Nobody should be treated with such disrespect... hugs.
LadyBronte · 61-69, F
@Ontheroad Thanks.
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SomeMichGuy · M
@LadyBronte Ok good! lol
Then he's used to dismissing other input...partly because of
a) intermittent failures (an early sign, as you pointed out, that other failure might occur) which he dismisses rather than understanding that these are heralds of WORSE problems
b) his own aging is now letting him down (senses not as sharp)
I think that these are two great examples to show him that he is neither
1) interpreting an event properly, in the intermittent case, nor
2) properly weighting data samples / maling use of ALL available evidence before passing bad judgment, nor
3) preserving his scientific skepticism about even being right, himself!
So he is allowing his pride to blind him to the evident truth: that he NEEDS to pay attention to YOUR input as a logical imperative as well as a relationship imperative and an emotional imperative.
All the bad "-isms" are about denying others the same personhood which we demand for ourselves. He's doing that to you. That's not cherishing you.
Then he's used to dismissing other input...partly because of
a) intermittent failures (an early sign, as you pointed out, that other failure might occur) which he dismisses rather than understanding that these are heralds of WORSE problems
b) his own aging is now letting him down (senses not as sharp)
I think that these are two great examples to show him that he is neither
1) interpreting an event properly, in the intermittent case, nor
2) properly weighting data samples / maling use of ALL available evidence before passing bad judgment, nor
3) preserving his scientific skepticism about even being right, himself!
So he is allowing his pride to blind him to the evident truth: that he NEEDS to pay attention to YOUR input as a logical imperative as well as a relationship imperative and an emotional imperative.
All the bad "-isms" are about denying others the same personhood which we demand for ourselves. He's doing that to you. That's not cherishing you.
Markinator · 51-55, M
Doesn’t sound like a good person to have a healthy relationship with, unfortunately. 😥
LadyBronte · 61-69, F
@Markinator Agree.
FoxyQueen · 51-55, F
I mean, leave. There is no other option. If they are that oblivious to the world around them, that doesn't bode well for their relationship with you. If they can't be bothered to understand your concern and help see if there is reason to be concerned, then let them burn with the house.
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LadyBronte · 61-69, F
@WonderGirl Exactly that person's twin here.
WonderGirl · 41-45, F
@LadyBronte He was such a narcissist. He thought he was right about everything.
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LadyBronte · 61-69, F
@Wiseacre I pretty much don't. We mostly don't speak. But there are times, I can't even.