oh my...how I can so relate to your story of loss...I wish there were something I could say to help ease the pain. And to have someone hold you while you fall apart is so important, yet I too, had no one, even though I was surrounded by family and even a wife, yet felt completely alone and abandoned..there is so much more to my story but will not speak of it here..this is about you and your need..and it's okay to break down and fall apart...you were strong for your friend when she needed you to be strong..all I can say is don't hold it in...you have to let it out, by whatever method possible...this forum is a good place to vent and release as well..you are surrounded here by caring people that understand and have walked in your shoes...my prayer is for you to find that someone to hold you up and support you throughout the grieving process...

I understand dear..but don't be afraid to show it in public...there's nothing wrong with that...I was my father's caregiver, and when he died, (another long story) I cried like a baby at his funeral..people could hear me all over the cemetery, but I didn't care..I couldn't keep it in...a 56 year old grown man crying his heart out...society makes it easier for women to cry and grieve than they do for men, so don't hold back and express your sorrow...you lost someone you love very deeply, it's natural and healthy for you to express that love and loss through tears...

Crying is good it releases the tension so don't worry about crying..only time will help. My best friend died 8 years ago and I've still got her phone number programmed into my phone I just can't bring myself to delete it..I talk to my friend a lot when I'm alone, that's helped to..

Well I didn't reach out and I will say this ... I probably should've taken the help when it was offered don't make the same mistake look after yourself💞

I felt this way when I lost my Dad. It's been almost three years. I will not lie the first 6months I was a wreak.. The pain and loneliness has not gone away but it has gotten easier. I found getting closer to nature really helped me. ((((Hugs))) my dad would not want to see me grieve he would want to see me appreciate life. And I remind myself when I start to get sad of this. My circumstances were the same living in a fishbowl size community. Just take it day by day.

@ boohoo thank you I find myself crying alone scared to show it in public also scared to be weak Im glad someone can relate ... @ FoolishLuna there are organisations but Im struggling to reach out I only spoke to her as she was the only one I opened up to .

Is there now Hospice organization close by for support?

I think this is my way of reaching out realising my thoughts