I Lost a Friend to Cancer

7 days ago my closest dearest friend the woman who was like a mother to me lost her battle to lung cancer , its been a week already and I cant see how life can be without her . I knew early on that her diagnosis was terminal I stood by her as I saw the horrible disease take her away but I refused to speak to her any differently she was still her even if she looked different... I was helping with her care in her final months and it was hard but I am glad I did because I know I did everything I could as did we all to make those months as bearable as possible ... I still lay awake, I still hear her call , Im looking at photos remembering with tears flowing my emotions are out of control and still we have the funeral and I am frightened I will fall apart and not be able to support the family I just keep breaking down ... We are in a small town and everyone knows each other people keep coming to me asking me to pass on messages to the family I cant go to local shops so I have been going else where or hiding at home I dont know how to handle my grief Ive been so strong dealing with doctors , nurses , prescriptions, meds till now but now I am crumbling and I feel so guilty I am failing my friend her family need me .... A pharmacist was talking to me he asked who holds me when I cry ??? I told him my friend was the only one who ever has she is gone now I am alone to face it all its this realisation that the only one I could got to when I needed someone is gone and that makes me feel selfish because I cried then because Ive no one to go to anymore ...