Watching Dealpool 1 ... Cancer
Watching that movie now...
The character was right. Watching someone with cancer... it is a s*ht show..
My mom puked brown bowel vomit on my arms as I tried to clean her up.
I did not have near enough bath towels to contain it.
She was too special to leave this world. We had talked about the family history and life and goals and everything in between and I still feel like I don't know enough.
I could listen to her talk ten billion more years.
I can see what love is.
She didn't want to believe she was dying..... so we never truly talked about it. We talked about teas and nuts that might help. Vitamin C, Garlic, Turmeric. Positive thinking.
Always have hope....until you accept there isn't. I had hope until the doctors were going to try and remove cancer and opened her up..... then they saw...what they saw. frozen insides. cancer everywhere. so they closed her back up and sent her home on "hospice". Which is just where family cares for you until you die.
It was the worst for all of us. Her mind was basically gone. And you can't control them...and they are uncomfortable. She wanted to move, constantly. But never had the strength. Even medicated she just wouldn't stay still.
Couldn't hold her phone very long but thought she was able to form full text messages. Eventually asked me to write the messages for her. Eventually none at all.
If you consider hospice for anyone....you need to be there 24/7 or at least take shifts with family.
By the time she even came to my apartment for hospice....she was already gone.
Seeing the shell of them is the worst part I think...worse than them dying.
Just seeing the person you love...and who loved you...just gone. They can't see you any more.. Blank. I came home from work crying to her once...sad that she was gone mentally. I just wanted her to hold me like she used to. I told her all of this.
Half heartedly she asked "whats wrong". A reflex more than a question.
I knew then
I just hugged her and let go
It was over
You never get a real goodbye even when you "know".
She died 4 months from diagnosis.
Get your pap smears ladies.
It all started because of severe acid reflux. Turned out to be stage 4 uterine cancer.
The character was right. Watching someone with cancer... it is a s*ht show..
My mom puked brown bowel vomit on my arms as I tried to clean her up.
I did not have near enough bath towels to contain it.
She was too special to leave this world. We had talked about the family history and life and goals and everything in between and I still feel like I don't know enough.
I could listen to her talk ten billion more years.
I can see what love is.
She didn't want to believe she was dying..... so we never truly talked about it. We talked about teas and nuts that might help. Vitamin C, Garlic, Turmeric. Positive thinking.
Always have hope....until you accept there isn't. I had hope until the doctors were going to try and remove cancer and opened her up..... then they saw...what they saw. frozen insides. cancer everywhere. so they closed her back up and sent her home on "hospice". Which is just where family cares for you until you die.
It was the worst for all of us. Her mind was basically gone. And you can't control them...and they are uncomfortable. She wanted to move, constantly. But never had the strength. Even medicated she just wouldn't stay still.
Couldn't hold her phone very long but thought she was able to form full text messages. Eventually asked me to write the messages for her. Eventually none at all.
If you consider hospice for anyone....you need to be there 24/7 or at least take shifts with family.
By the time she even came to my apartment for hospice....she was already gone.
Seeing the shell of them is the worst part I think...worse than them dying.
Just seeing the person you love...and who loved you...just gone. They can't see you any more.. Blank. I came home from work crying to her once...sad that she was gone mentally. I just wanted her to hold me like she used to. I told her all of this.
Half heartedly she asked "whats wrong". A reflex more than a question.
I knew then
I just hugged her and let go
It was over
You never get a real goodbye even when you "know".
She died 4 months from diagnosis.
Get your pap smears ladies.
It all started because of severe acid reflux. Turned out to be stage 4 uterine cancer.
36-40, F
