I have cancer (low-grade lymphoma) and I don't know how I feel about it
Some of you may be aware that I was recently diagnosed with lymphoma--yep, that "C" word.
Now, before I go any further, let me say that I am OK, it's very slow-growing, or indolent. I have no symptoms and no pain. I do not need treatment now, and I might never need it. "It's cancer," my doctor said at the office, but bless him, he said it sitting down, and with all the matter-of-factness of wondering what to have for lunch. That put me at ease, at least in that moment. I've had some tests and a biopsy, and I'll be going back for a quick follow-up and a 20 questions session soon.
My head has been spinning ever since. I am thankful that the illness is not a worst-case scenario, yet I feel, well, sad that this...whatever is growing inside of me and could potentially be cause for concern at some point. It's a strange feeling.
What really surprised me is the reactions of other people. I haven't told many people except for my family and closest friends. Some of them freak out, which in turn freaks ME out. A very close friend said "It took me three days just to tell Dawn(his wife)". I wasn't ready for any of this. I'm not trying to freak people out. Some people are even more upset than I am, but I think some people should know, PLUS it would be nice to have people to speak to about this.
Most importantly, I don't want to seem like I'm calling attention to myself at the expense of others who have this worse than I do. I have Facebook friends who post from their hospital bed as they go for treatment and I certainly won't be mentioning this there.
I'm aware that some SWeeps have battled cancer. Also, I have a friend with a much worse version of lymphoma than mine, and I'm not certain that I want to burden him with my condition.
It's going to take a while. I'm bouncing between total acceptance and not really caring and sadness and anger. Of course, I never expected to have cancer, and now that I do, even saying "I have cancer" feels strange, and people reacting more dramatically than I feels stranger than that.
Thanks for reading and be well.
Now, before I go any further, let me say that I am OK, it's very slow-growing, or indolent. I have no symptoms and no pain. I do not need treatment now, and I might never need it. "It's cancer," my doctor said at the office, but bless him, he said it sitting down, and with all the matter-of-factness of wondering what to have for lunch. That put me at ease, at least in that moment. I've had some tests and a biopsy, and I'll be going back for a quick follow-up and a 20 questions session soon.
My head has been spinning ever since. I am thankful that the illness is not a worst-case scenario, yet I feel, well, sad that this...whatever is growing inside of me and could potentially be cause for concern at some point. It's a strange feeling.
What really surprised me is the reactions of other people. I haven't told many people except for my family and closest friends. Some of them freak out, which in turn freaks ME out. A very close friend said "It took me three days just to tell Dawn(his wife)". I wasn't ready for any of this. I'm not trying to freak people out. Some people are even more upset than I am, but I think some people should know, PLUS it would be nice to have people to speak to about this.
Most importantly, I don't want to seem like I'm calling attention to myself at the expense of others who have this worse than I do. I have Facebook friends who post from their hospital bed as they go for treatment and I certainly won't be mentioning this there.
I'm aware that some SWeeps have battled cancer. Also, I have a friend with a much worse version of lymphoma than mine, and I'm not certain that I want to burden him with my condition.
It's going to take a while. I'm bouncing between total acceptance and not really caring and sadness and anger. Of course, I never expected to have cancer, and now that I do, even saying "I have cancer" feels strange, and people reacting more dramatically than I feels stranger than that.
Thanks for reading and be well.
