I Hate Cancer

Duck duck goose. This time life choose my dad. We recently found out he has a rare type of blood cancer, 2 types actually, untreatable. I live in another state and cannot be there to take care of him and my heart is so broken. I've tried doing so much research on holistic and alternative treatments, not to replace anything his doctor recommends, but as an addition to their treatments. I know he's not eating well and not exercising, as well as took up smoking again from all the stress. Is this what life is? You work a bullshit job that you hate for your entire life, living paycheck to paycheck, just to die before you ever get to retire and relax. I know this is no one fault, this is a part of life.. I just DO NOT want to wake up one day when I'm much older and look back to realize I have done nothing with my life but sit on my computer, too depressed to go outside and have a life.

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everythingisvanilla · 36-40, F

Hello again....sounds like you're having a tough time right now. I checked out your other posts and bizarrely I feel like I might be in a position to actually help a bit with this. Do you know what kind of cancer we are talking about here specifically? I actually work in clinical research - I think it might be worthwhile looking into which clinical trials are running in the US (I'm assuming you are from the US?). People have huge misconceptions about taking part in clinical trials but seriously, this is the only way new drugs are brought to market. At the worst case, he might be give something that doesn't help but the placebo effect of hoping for a 'miracle' has been proven to extent people's lives....in the best case, he will most likely be paid and might recieve a treatment that prolongs his life or helps treat the cancer - not to mention the contribution of taking part generally if the drug comes to market successfully and the effect on other peoples lives. Just so you know I DO NOT work in recruitment or sales, I just believe in it and love my job!

Needs to get him off the smoking though...that doesn't do anyone any favours.

On the other note....I'm always worried I am not 'living' too. When you daydream about your life as you would wish it - what is it that is missing now in real life? If you were ever to be famous, what would it be for? What is the very best 'you' in your imagination? I having a gnawing feeling in my guts when i think about writing a book or a few books...I think that's the direction for me. You? what do you want?

AnonymouslyMe · 36-40, F

Well that is a shit ton of amazingly great information so thank you for that, I have time today to do my research on these clinical studies and I'll be flying down to see him for Christmas so I can... Idk what I can do, hopefully something. Yes I am in the US.

Although my vision is not 100% clear... the best me, first of all, doesn't have social anxiety and I have a ton of friends. I want to be some sort or life coach or health coach.. help people lose weight, eat healthier, live healthier, exercise. Right now I'm a personal trainer online so I would like to keep expanding that. So I am walking in the right direction.. but do we ever really know? Haha.