1 month in
I learned that everyone is literally different.
Assumed I was an alcoholic and maybe I am. I finally went to the doctor a month ago.
My glucose was 6.9. A few months before that I had gone to the ER thinking I was having a heart attack (I wasn't, at all) and my glucose was 6.7.
So, since the reading was 6.5 and above over the course of two tests, they have said I am considered diabetic.
My liver levels were also high, indicating struggle.
So a month ago I stopped drinking. Limited carbs to 100 or less a day.
I did lose 10 pounds in about 2 weeks.
I thought/hoped more things would improve (skin, hair, energy).
To be honest....everything feels the same.
So, I just learned everyone is different. Some alcoholics can't quit cold turkey. I did. I am proud of that.
My doctor had asked, "but is that sustainable?"
And that is the question.
To celebrate my one month, I decided to drink. (100% agave tequila with a white claw chaser, low carb low sugar). Why? It was Friday, I was curious, and that's it.
It made me realize how much I actually hated drinking. I hated that it changed me. I used to think, "who I am when I drink is the real me".
It isn't, at all.
Being more chatty but not actually saying anything of substance does not make you social or interesting.
I would say I have been drinking in total of about 16 years. Started at 22 (used to think I was what they called "straight edge" before that...and just didn't drink at all. Not interested when I turned 21, since my dad died as an alcoholic)
22-29 mostly simple drinking every other day, "Mike's hard lemonade" kinda thing.... about 29 I started having a cup purely for tequila...and chasing with a non alcoholic drink, every night. By 32 I had my cup of tequila (that I would refill) and a mike's harder lemonade chaser, every night.
That lasted until 38.
And here we are now.
Ironically, the day after drinking (today) my beer belly FINALLY looks like it's going down.
Back to the "sustainable" part.... my train of thought was that, yes, I do think about drinking every day. Going full abstinence...is it possible? So I decided I could try only drinking on the weekends. Only buying a 750ML instead of the gallon of Jose Cuervo I would usually get for the weekend.
But drinking last night just did not do for me what it used to in my 20's. It used to pump me up, I used to feel free and fun and debaucherous, energetic.
It just made me feel sad. and play sad music. and think about the past.
I don't want any of that. Because why?
"No amount of regret can change the past, and no amount of worry can change the future".
I also think I started drinking again this weekend because honestly....my nights were "boring" and I looked most forward to just going to bed.
But like one of my favorite songs said, "If you're bored then you're boring".
With all the trees, bodies of water, humans, animals, and all the Earth has....it is impossible to be bored unless you are not interacting with any of it.
So, the next goal is to cook. Get home from work and cook a meal and really put effort into it instead of seeing it as a chore (which I see it as right now).
And to walk around outside. Anywhere. Soak up the sun and oxygen.
I will say the "sober fatigue" is REAL. The "PAWS", ugggghhhhhhhh
I am shocked that a month in I am still feeling the same or worse level of tired I have for the past few years. The bloat is also still there. I feel like my face is still puffy.
BUT, sobriety is still the way. They say it can take years.... which makes sense... it took me years to get to this point...gonna take years to get me back....
Plainly....I will stay sober (at least during the week...as to not put too much pressure on it)...because if I don't, I simply will die.
Not sure when my dad was diagnosed as diabetic....but, he was diagnosed, and kept drinking, and went into a diabetic coma at 47. It was short, and he came out of it, but kept drinking.
Then died at 49.
I don't want to die from a poison I willingly ingest. That is insane.
Our bodies are temples.
We HAVE to respect them.
My fear is that my niece will find my body one day as I had found my dads.
I can't put anyone through that.
I won't.
Cheers to sobriety.
Assumed I was an alcoholic and maybe I am. I finally went to the doctor a month ago.
My glucose was 6.9. A few months before that I had gone to the ER thinking I was having a heart attack (I wasn't, at all) and my glucose was 6.7.
So, since the reading was 6.5 and above over the course of two tests, they have said I am considered diabetic.
My liver levels were also high, indicating struggle.
So a month ago I stopped drinking. Limited carbs to 100 or less a day.
I did lose 10 pounds in about 2 weeks.
I thought/hoped more things would improve (skin, hair, energy).
To be honest....everything feels the same.
So, I just learned everyone is different. Some alcoholics can't quit cold turkey. I did. I am proud of that.
My doctor had asked, "but is that sustainable?"
And that is the question.
To celebrate my one month, I decided to drink. (100% agave tequila with a white claw chaser, low carb low sugar). Why? It was Friday, I was curious, and that's it.
It made me realize how much I actually hated drinking. I hated that it changed me. I used to think, "who I am when I drink is the real me".
It isn't, at all.
Being more chatty but not actually saying anything of substance does not make you social or interesting.
I would say I have been drinking in total of about 16 years. Started at 22 (used to think I was what they called "straight edge" before that...and just didn't drink at all. Not interested when I turned 21, since my dad died as an alcoholic)
22-29 mostly simple drinking every other day, "Mike's hard lemonade" kinda thing.... about 29 I started having a cup purely for tequila...and chasing with a non alcoholic drink, every night. By 32 I had my cup of tequila (that I would refill) and a mike's harder lemonade chaser, every night.
That lasted until 38.
And here we are now.
Ironically, the day after drinking (today) my beer belly FINALLY looks like it's going down.
Back to the "sustainable" part.... my train of thought was that, yes, I do think about drinking every day. Going full abstinence...is it possible? So I decided I could try only drinking on the weekends. Only buying a 750ML instead of the gallon of Jose Cuervo I would usually get for the weekend.
But drinking last night just did not do for me what it used to in my 20's. It used to pump me up, I used to feel free and fun and debaucherous, energetic.
It just made me feel sad. and play sad music. and think about the past.
I don't want any of that. Because why?
"No amount of regret can change the past, and no amount of worry can change the future".
I also think I started drinking again this weekend because honestly....my nights were "boring" and I looked most forward to just going to bed.
But like one of my favorite songs said, "If you're bored then you're boring".
With all the trees, bodies of water, humans, animals, and all the Earth has....it is impossible to be bored unless you are not interacting with any of it.
So, the next goal is to cook. Get home from work and cook a meal and really put effort into it instead of seeing it as a chore (which I see it as right now).
And to walk around outside. Anywhere. Soak up the sun and oxygen.
I will say the "sober fatigue" is REAL. The "PAWS", ugggghhhhhhhh
I am shocked that a month in I am still feeling the same or worse level of tired I have for the past few years. The bloat is also still there. I feel like my face is still puffy.
BUT, sobriety is still the way. They say it can take years.... which makes sense... it took me years to get to this point...gonna take years to get me back....
Plainly....I will stay sober (at least during the week...as to not put too much pressure on it)...because if I don't, I simply will die.
Not sure when my dad was diagnosed as diabetic....but, he was diagnosed, and kept drinking, and went into a diabetic coma at 47. It was short, and he came out of it, but kept drinking.
Then died at 49.
I don't want to die from a poison I willingly ingest. That is insane.
Our bodies are temples.
We HAVE to respect them.
My fear is that my niece will find my body one day as I had found my dads.
I can't put anyone through that.
I won't.
Cheers to sobriety.
