I do not want to be defined by a mental illness.

As much as i try to tell myself i am not defined by my mental illness i realize how much i have allowed this. In my mind i feel like the guy who lost his mind to drugs. I often wish i never did drugs. I often wish i was not a person who came down with this mental illness. I wonder truly if i will ever find someone that will accept me even though im recovering from drugs and even though i failed at marriage. I want to believe that there is so much good to live for. Lately ive been struggling with bad using memories. The other day before going in to the recovery center my old drug dealer approached me asking me if im good. It triggered so many bad thoughts. Anyways im kinda just venting at the moment.