Surviving an Illness I was Unaware was Even Present
As I am making my return to SW, this seems an ideal time to share an experience from late last year that, in some ways, has changed my life forever.
I was having difficulty with a spot on the underside of my right foot and did not think much of it for far too long before I sought medical help and was referred to a podiatrist. Once I was in his care I was able to start healing the spot and it had nearly resolved itself when an infection of some kind was setting in on the side of my foot that required surgery to stave off given its nature. Shortly following the rather routine surgery my great toe and second toe began to look inflamed and soon went from red to purple when I got to the hospital.
In short order I was admitted to the hospital and soon was consulting with my podiatrist and an infectious disease doctor after a battery of tests. This in no small part because I was showing no outward symptoms of a larger problem. No spike in temperature, no elevated heartrate or blood pressure, no nausea, excess of pain, or anything that would scream out that staph was ravaging my body! The infectious disease doctor told me point blank that this is a disease that kills people, and yet I was not indicating in any way that I was so ill. I also learned that gas gangrene had set in on at least two toes, the great toe being effectively dead.
This created a situation where a choice needed to be made rather quickly that would affect my life going forward. That I was still living and able to make said choice seemed nothing short of miraculous, so finding the strength to make it in the moment was not a difficult task. The options regarding my foot revolved around how many toes were going to be lost with certainty. A minimum of two was something of a given, with the potential for more down the line. I recalled in that moment a neighbor in the past who had fallen while trimming his trees and suffered a terrible dislocation of his lower leg bones to that led to major surgeries and months of heroic efforts to save his leg. In the end the only option was to amputate. This was not a scenario that I wished in my own life, a long and painful road to the same result should I decide to go "all in" at the outset.
So over the course of two days, one for the partial metatarsal amputation of all five toes and the second for the closure of the surgical wound site I surrendered a good third of my foot in the interest of not having to be hospitalized again (it had been 20 years or more since the last time). What struck me funny is that I had this profound sense that I should be feeling dread or remorse or regret or...something! Social conditioning informs so much of who we are that even when we eschew its influence it still lingers. I felt like I was "supposed" to be taking things a lot harder than I was! Even during a couple of months of twice daily IV antibiotic infusion therapy and a lengthy leave of absence from my job, multiple doctor visits, a slow healing process, and graduating from a walker to wearing a specialized shoe and waking with a cane I could not muster the sensations I felt like I was meant to be feeling. Instead, I found myself at peace with my new way of life, ever grateful that what could have been the end of me resulted in only a relatively minor loss.
I share this story in part as a cautionary tale about ignoring the little things that can easily become something major, the rallying cry of men's health, but also to openly share the experience with anyone who cares to read my words. I very recently received a pair of shoes with a right shoe specially designed to accommodate that which is missing on my foot. While I still have my cane at hand just in case, I am accustoming myself to walking more naturally at last. The special shoe was rather awkward and easy to snag or trip on, so having a pair of shoes that look and feel normal, not to mention walk normal, has been a huge plus for me. And this marks the conclusion of a chapter in my life that was somewhat trying and revealed that I still had so much in me personally that I never imagined was there. Today I drove (briefly) for the first time in about half a year and it felt amazing. Soon life will return to something akin to normal with a great pair of new shoes in the mix!
I also wanted to share to put the final punctuation point on the conclusion of said life chapter. This is a small way of expressing that the final steps, (pun intended) of a personal journey that began late last year and greatly altered the trajectory of my personal life for so very long is now behind me. I can look back upon all that has transpired and feel that it was a greater accomplishment than I will ever realize to have come so far. I now look forward to literally and figuratively walking a mile, many a mile, in my shoes!
I was having difficulty with a spot on the underside of my right foot and did not think much of it for far too long before I sought medical help and was referred to a podiatrist. Once I was in his care I was able to start healing the spot and it had nearly resolved itself when an infection of some kind was setting in on the side of my foot that required surgery to stave off given its nature. Shortly following the rather routine surgery my great toe and second toe began to look inflamed and soon went from red to purple when I got to the hospital.
In short order I was admitted to the hospital and soon was consulting with my podiatrist and an infectious disease doctor after a battery of tests. This in no small part because I was showing no outward symptoms of a larger problem. No spike in temperature, no elevated heartrate or blood pressure, no nausea, excess of pain, or anything that would scream out that staph was ravaging my body! The infectious disease doctor told me point blank that this is a disease that kills people, and yet I was not indicating in any way that I was so ill. I also learned that gas gangrene had set in on at least two toes, the great toe being effectively dead.
This created a situation where a choice needed to be made rather quickly that would affect my life going forward. That I was still living and able to make said choice seemed nothing short of miraculous, so finding the strength to make it in the moment was not a difficult task. The options regarding my foot revolved around how many toes were going to be lost with certainty. A minimum of two was something of a given, with the potential for more down the line. I recalled in that moment a neighbor in the past who had fallen while trimming his trees and suffered a terrible dislocation of his lower leg bones to that led to major surgeries and months of heroic efforts to save his leg. In the end the only option was to amputate. This was not a scenario that I wished in my own life, a long and painful road to the same result should I decide to go "all in" at the outset.
So over the course of two days, one for the partial metatarsal amputation of all five toes and the second for the closure of the surgical wound site I surrendered a good third of my foot in the interest of not having to be hospitalized again (it had been 20 years or more since the last time). What struck me funny is that I had this profound sense that I should be feeling dread or remorse or regret or...something! Social conditioning informs so much of who we are that even when we eschew its influence it still lingers. I felt like I was "supposed" to be taking things a lot harder than I was! Even during a couple of months of twice daily IV antibiotic infusion therapy and a lengthy leave of absence from my job, multiple doctor visits, a slow healing process, and graduating from a walker to wearing a specialized shoe and waking with a cane I could not muster the sensations I felt like I was meant to be feeling. Instead, I found myself at peace with my new way of life, ever grateful that what could have been the end of me resulted in only a relatively minor loss.
I share this story in part as a cautionary tale about ignoring the little things that can easily become something major, the rallying cry of men's health, but also to openly share the experience with anyone who cares to read my words. I very recently received a pair of shoes with a right shoe specially designed to accommodate that which is missing on my foot. While I still have my cane at hand just in case, I am accustoming myself to walking more naturally at last. The special shoe was rather awkward and easy to snag or trip on, so having a pair of shoes that look and feel normal, not to mention walk normal, has been a huge plus for me. And this marks the conclusion of a chapter in my life that was somewhat trying and revealed that I still had so much in me personally that I never imagined was there. Today I drove (briefly) for the first time in about half a year and it felt amazing. Soon life will return to something akin to normal with a great pair of new shoes in the mix!
I also wanted to share to put the final punctuation point on the conclusion of said life chapter. This is a small way of expressing that the final steps, (pun intended) of a personal journey that began late last year and greatly altered the trajectory of my personal life for so very long is now behind me. I can look back upon all that has transpired and feel that it was a greater accomplishment than I will ever realize to have come so far. I now look forward to literally and figuratively walking a mile, many a mile, in my shoes!
