I Don't Need Drugs and Alcohol to Have Fun

I can safely say the title of this post says it all.

I grew up with alcoholism. For twenty years, it was slurred and hateful words, thrown plates (both empty and filled), bruises and black eyes...scared kids, hangovers that could kill a horse, yelling and anger. Some people scoff and say, "It feel good to get drunk". But why? The worse you get with alcohol, you run the risk the next morning with broken relationships or friendships by something you said or did and don't remember it. The drunk thinks he or she is being clever and says whatever comes to mind. But is it worth it to have people avoid you because you insult someone, sometimes badly? I have seen my father lose jobs - good-paying ones, too - by being flippant if the boss called him on something. Most of us need a paycheck to support ourselves or others.

The only pills I take are Bufferin (ibuprofen) for an occasional headache, or Dayquil when I am sneezing or coughing. My sister-in-law is on a plethora of doctor-prescribed drugs because she has a leaking heart valve. I see all these television and printed ads which warn of side effects when you are on some kind of prescription medication. I saw one ad (last night and again this morning) warning against addiction. Bridget has fainted on the job, woken up with pain, been short of breath, and been temperamental since she has taken these things. She screams at the dog he is "STARING at me!" because he is looking at her and saying "I love you" with his eyes.

I would rather be in control of my thoughts and faculties with a clear head and eyes than be medicated or drunk out of my mind.

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Elisbch · M

This brings back some memories. Since I was in the 3rd grade till I was 40, my father was a mean alcoholic (putting it mildly). I too am happy to live without drugs and alcohol.

MaryJanine · 70-79, F

[@Elisbch Alcoholics think they are being cute or clever. They are neither. You and I (and my mom and siblings) all know better. They go from drunk to mean in a heartbeat.

Elisbch · M

@MaryJanine Yes, you are correct. My father was a bully and mentally and beatings type abusive. I believe now he had very poor self esteem and the alcohol gave him courage to show he was tougher than anyone else. He never wanted children. It was my mother that forced that issue according to her. (Both decreased now).
Also like you said, he also thought he was clever, cute and maybe smarter when he drank. What a waste for all lives involved. (I am in your age group)

MaryJanine · 70-79, F

@Elisbch My dad wanted kids. for the better part of two years after they were married, only my stepsister was his "adopted" child. Then I came along, and in due time, my two brothers. My dad threw stuff. He managed to clip both my brothers in the ear with a bicycle taillight. I got spanked (but only once) by him because I didn't have pajama pants on, and he was pretty well drunk by then - at six years old, I couldn't explain I didn't have them on because they were on the bathroom floor and I'd have to walk past him to get them.

He cursed at my mom and us when he was under the influence, and I was an adult before I knew half of what he was talking about or the names we were called.

The sad thing about it all is, when my dad finally stopped, my mom only lived nine years afterward. Both of them are now gone.

Elisbch · M

@MaryJanine It's all horrible, the damage these alcoholics leave behind for so many people and family members. It's all about them and they don't care about what's left in their wake. I had a set of very nice grandparents that tried very hard to be sure that my sister and I got some normalcy in my life. They did a good job. Later in my life, Al-Anon helped quite a bit.

That's really sad about your mother. 😔.

MaryJanine · 70-79, F

@Elisbch Thank you. My mom was on the phone one day shortly before she died, and as I passed by her, I heard her say, "...these last nine years have been the best of my marriage." It makes me realize she must have suffered the tortures of the damned before she passed away. Well, she developed diabetes in her last few years and that didn't help her either. I am just sorry that Dad's mother, who lived with us, didn't live to see her son stop drinking.

Elisbch · M

@MaryJanine It's good that he stopped. Mine never did. Would it be too personal to ask why he stopped?

MaryJanine · 70-79, F

@Elisbch Not at all. At the time, he and my brother worked in the same place. It was a Saturday morning and he couldn't get out of bed. My brother didn't want to be late, and he left without him, with my father yelling out of the bedroom, "F***k it! Tell them I QUIT!" He got up about ten minutes later, went to the phone and called his employer. I heard him say, "Laura? This is drunken Frank. BRIGHT BOY wouldn't WAIT for me. I'll be there as soon as I can GET there." He hung up. He was still too drunk to drive, so my mother took him to work and left him there. During the day, I found out later, his boss cornered him and told him, if it happened again, he would be without a job. When he came home that night, there was a half-bottle of whiskey and one bottle of beer in the fridge. He never touched liquor again. We eventually emptied the one bottle down the sink, and the rest of the whiskey, too.

Elisbch · M

@MaryJanine I think that's wonderful! So many can't find what it takes to quit or simply won't. I keep thinking of your mom and what you said you heard her say on the phone. I believe that your dad's mother knew he stopped. I believe they watch over us a bit. Things that have happened in my life have made me a believer.

MaryJanine · 70-79, F

@Elisbch Thanks for your words.The only error you made was you said "her say". My dad actually MADE the call. But, no matter..I hope Grandma actually knew he had stopped. We had bills to pay and we needed that steady paycheck, and when he wasn't drinking, he knew it. Four kids and two adults, not to mention two dogs, is a lot to feed and shelter.

Elisbch · M

@MaryJanine .. I'm sorry, I wasn't very clear and I bounced back and was referring to the call your mother was on again:

My mom was on the phone one day shortly before she died, and as I passed by her, I heard her say, "...these last nine years have been the best of my marriage."

This just sticks in my head a bit because of feelings I remember my mother having.

MaryJanine · 70-79, F

@Elisbch Not a problem. I just didn't realize which call you were referring to and I was a little confused as to what "she" you meant. Now we are both clear.