I Could Live Without Alcohol And Drugs

I drink alcohol to feel human for a while, as every part of my brain that's supposed to feel joy or happiness is dead. I can live without it, but I'll be a zombie and nobody wants that. Is it safe? I don't really care, not like I can afford to get drunk every night. As sad as it is, this is one of the few ways I feel like I can truly connect to people. Most of the time I wonder if it's really worth it, but sometimes it is.