I would rather it not be, but it is
My first kiss was asked for from a girl I didn't know very well who said she would give me my first kiss. I wanted to begin a relationship and within 3 weeks after one date, she... no longer wanted to give it a try. Then, she proceeded to grow distant until no longer talking to me. She had said her ex threatened to take his life but I was still left alone.
I do not like that this was my first and only kiss at 16. I do not like that the time we spent together, we were both quite happy. Yet through text it just... fell apart. I remember being happy and enjoying her smile. I remember being sad and angry at the ending I had no ability to change. She was 18 and may have had other considerations. Either way, my first kiss was magical but tainted by the circumstance. I have seen her in town as a waitress when me and my coworkers go out to eat. She avoids my gaze, does not respond when I say her name in thanks for the dish and avoids any words or even looking at me.
We spent one more day together at Christmas when I was 17 walking around stalls where I unknowingly became a helper but we did spend the day together at this event. I remember watching fireworks with her and having a great sadness that this was the last time we would spend together. I remember feeling resentful that she had brought me here, knowing my internal pain. The memory is... Weird, kind but tainted with a massive amount of pain and sadness. I have never enjoyed fireworks from that day either as they all seem lacking in life to me now.
I do not like that this was my first and only kiss at 16. I do not like that the time we spent together, we were both quite happy. Yet through text it just... fell apart. I remember being happy and enjoying her smile. I remember being sad and angry at the ending I had no ability to change. She was 18 and may have had other considerations. Either way, my first kiss was magical but tainted by the circumstance. I have seen her in town as a waitress when me and my coworkers go out to eat. She avoids my gaze, does not respond when I say her name in thanks for the dish and avoids any words or even looking at me.
We spent one more day together at Christmas when I was 17 walking around stalls where I unknowingly became a helper but we did spend the day together at this event. I remember watching fireworks with her and having a great sadness that this was the last time we would spend together. I remember feeling resentful that she had brought me here, knowing my internal pain. The memory is... Weird, kind but tainted with a massive amount of pain and sadness. I have never enjoyed fireworks from that day either as they all seem lacking in life to me now.
26-30, M
