I have a date tomorrow
It'll be my first since 2019. Oh, what a vastly different person I am from the one I was back then.
Uncertain, insecure, lost and searching for meaning in a meaningless world. I did what I was supposed to. I said what people wanted to hear. I strived to become as normal as possible, naively adhering to the mantra of 'fake it 'til you make it'.
It was imperative that I had my nervous breakdown shortly after that foray into the world of dating. It was inevitable. I wasn't sure who I was, so I would be fundamentally unable to discover why I was that way.
The years since have not been easy. Soul searching is a tedious process at best, and absolutely heart-wrenching at worst, as you open up one old wound after the other to find the source of the infection. Struggling in silence against the throes of personal demons who do not wish to be exorcised from the home they made within your psyche.
It's been a path of self-discovery on a much grander odyssey to find my place in the world. Not every journey is going to be a riveting tale full of excitement and wonder. Some stories are f*cked from the get-go and need to be unraveled in order to fully make sense of it. And I have survived long enough to finally understand what I need and what I don't.
If you're no stranger to my profile, you would know that I like to dote upon my dogs. These amazing beasts who straddle the line between the animal world and the kingdom of man. Perhaps the perfect medium to test the limits of our humanity.
I have learned much from these creatures. How much I can give, how much I can care, how much I can love. And I know now, that if ever there were a reason for me to be on this wretched rock, it would be simply and solely to love and protect those who would accept it.
It's with newfound confidence that I open up the gates to my heart, no longer merely a fortress of solitude, but a bastion of possibilities.
Tomorrow is important for me. Given the conversations we've had together, I have a high degree of confidence in my ability to build something beautiful with this woman. But whatever the outcome may be, this date is a testament to the resiliency of the power of love. I realize that no matter how much you may try to suppress it, it is a force of nature that will not be contained. I've had to struggle for quite a long time to learn that lesson.
The time for running has met its end. Now is the time to nurture this gift. Heaven knows how long it's been ignored
Uncertain, insecure, lost and searching for meaning in a meaningless world. I did what I was supposed to. I said what people wanted to hear. I strived to become as normal as possible, naively adhering to the mantra of 'fake it 'til you make it'.
It was imperative that I had my nervous breakdown shortly after that foray into the world of dating. It was inevitable. I wasn't sure who I was, so I would be fundamentally unable to discover why I was that way.
The years since have not been easy. Soul searching is a tedious process at best, and absolutely heart-wrenching at worst, as you open up one old wound after the other to find the source of the infection. Struggling in silence against the throes of personal demons who do not wish to be exorcised from the home they made within your psyche.
It's been a path of self-discovery on a much grander odyssey to find my place in the world. Not every journey is going to be a riveting tale full of excitement and wonder. Some stories are f*cked from the get-go and need to be unraveled in order to fully make sense of it. And I have survived long enough to finally understand what I need and what I don't.
If you're no stranger to my profile, you would know that I like to dote upon my dogs. These amazing beasts who straddle the line between the animal world and the kingdom of man. Perhaps the perfect medium to test the limits of our humanity.
I have learned much from these creatures. How much I can give, how much I can care, how much I can love. And I know now, that if ever there were a reason for me to be on this wretched rock, it would be simply and solely to love and protect those who would accept it.
It's with newfound confidence that I open up the gates to my heart, no longer merely a fortress of solitude, but a bastion of possibilities.
Tomorrow is important for me. Given the conversations we've had together, I have a high degree of confidence in my ability to build something beautiful with this woman. But whatever the outcome may be, this date is a testament to the resiliency of the power of love. I realize that no matter how much you may try to suppress it, it is a force of nature that will not be contained. I've had to struggle for quite a long time to learn that lesson.
The time for running has met its end. Now is the time to nurture this gift. Heaven knows how long it's been ignored
31-35, M
