Your not a monster at all dark longings , your just very insecure in yourself .
And if your insecure over past situations happened in your life that made you feel insecure , then try deal with it .
Your never alone with all off this stuff what you explained .
I ended up in pysche ward for 6 weeks over toxic relationships , i wasn't to blame for most of it .
I can see now how i ended up there over the relationship. I didn't pull out too soon enough , a lot of lies , cheating, gaslightening on her side and i didn't pull out too soon cause i was trying to fix it , buying love . I can see the part where i was selfish . It was if i fix i"ll be ok emotionally and it was the relationship in the 1st olace that got me emotionally unwell .
Im single now 13 years and im happy out at times that way and will i tell you why i wouldn't go out with someone right now at the time cause i wouldn't want to be pushing my insecurities onto her and also im not prepared to end up in a pysche wars again over the pain of it .
I thought i could handle any relationship, how wrong was i , so your not alone my friend and don't be putting yourself down cause they'd be plenty that would so that to you .
My friend said me years ago " be your own little lamp " do you know what that means "be your own best friend " and thats a tough one especially all your life you were dependant on other people views of you to feel good or be valued so when you go against " be your own best friend " over other peoples views , that intakes a lot of pain .
Just incase your wondering why i messages you all the time when im on this site is to insure you your not alone with all of the stuff you described and i do care about you , even tho im from Ireland .
The loneliest time when you think your alone happens mostly at night time .
I hope you be ok
