I still hate myself for this

When I was in high school, a guy asked me out on a date and said we'd split. Since he wouldn't pay for the date, I thought I was special to him because he didn't have to do anything to impress me or take me to nice places. I was happy going somewhere free, splitting, or even me being the one to pay for his stuff.

I show up. Pay my own way and the guy never showed up. Didn't even call. He said he was too busy the next day at school and completely ignored me because he was too busy.

I changed my hair for a guy once. He said it was cute and liked the style but I still wasn't his type of girl.

I felt cheap and worthless.

I was so proud of myself for splitting, being cool with guys who lied to me, talking shit about women, I hated women because I thought all they do is abuse and drain men's bank accounts, belived that women weren't submissive and needed to be "humbled" so that men would accept them. I think at some point I blamed women for DV, and other horrible things that I won't mention because I'm so embarrassed that I used to think that way.


I'm a different person now but I still hate myself for being such a terrible person.

There are women who think this way and I feel so bad for them, especially when reality hits them.