Leviticus is ridiculous!! - The Pigeons!

As the story goes, one day God goes to Moses and said:
"Hey Mo"...(that's what He used to call Moses when they were alone.)
"What's up G"...( for obvious reasons )
"I was thinking, I'm going to need some sacrifices"..He said
"You do?"... Moses said but thinking .."ok?..what now."
"Yeah", God said.. 'Sometimes I get in these angry moods you know, with people not appreciating me and stuff and I thought. Instead of destroying the whole world, Again, maybe it's better if I get a sacrifice every now and then..what do you think Mo?

"Shit!". Thought Moses ..."what am I going to say?...He's God after all"

"Sure G but how do you want me to spin it.."

"Oh I don't care", God said a little annoyed. 'Tell them that, you know, people keep sinning and there's some special holidays, you know , whatever MOSES!"

Right there Moses knew he fucked up. When God called him MOSES! he knew he better back pedal quick.

"Ok, God take it easy my guy, I got you."

Moses then went sent a message to all the animals to gather by the east gate for a big farm meeting.

THE MEETING

MOSES

"Alright people, listen up! God wants some sacrifices happening. So, I'm sorry, but some of you are going to have to take one for the team."

I can imagine the animals were more nervous than when Saddam took power and put all those people in that one huge room and started calling people out by name.

Maʿa as-salāmah Motherfuckers!

A big pigeon was heard telling the other pigeons.

"Relax guys, we have no meat, what kind of sacrifice can we make?? Look at the cows and the sheep, they're the good sacrifices, Don't worry we're safe.."

"Sorry Cows but you're going first"..said Moses..."God wants to build an altar thing . You guys need to bring a Bull without blemish, don't bring no old suck ass Bull, bring him to the gate where he'll be killed. Then his blood is going to be sprinkled on the altar. After that they're going to cut him into pieces and throw him in the fire.".

"Sorry guys but this is coming from as high Corporate as it gets"

Hearing this the pigeons could be heard laughing it up and flying around saying..."Sucks to be you!!!!!!"

Some say the cows started all screaming MOO MOO but those who were there say they were actually saying..BOOOO BOOOO

"After that" , said Moses, "it's going to be the sheep and the goats... So it's going to be Bulls first then the sheep, and lastly the goats."

"OH SNAP!!' The pigeons were all over screaming and laughing..



"Oh one last thing" . Said Moses. "If someone is too poor to afford a Bull or a sheep or a goat. God said to get a pigeon, to burn its head on the altar and drain the blood on the side of it. He also said to remove the crop and the feathers, tear the bird open by its wings and burn the whole thing on the Altar."

It is said that the whole place erupted into chaos with the pigeons saying things like:

"That's bullshit!!

And , " Who does that guy think he is, GOD??'

Only the donkeys stayed quiet, grateful that they got out of that one. They didn't know what was coming in Samuel later on.

interestingly enough, that whole story reminded of what's going on in America right now.. How many people stand by the side lines watching as others lose their farms, their Medicaid, Snap benefits, Medicare part D, their livelihood or get nabbed from the streets getting sent to some country they have never been in , thinking it is never going to happen to them.

They go around saying...'it sucks to be you."

Until the day it happens to them when they'll be saying...

"This is Bullshit, this is NOT what I voted for!"