Revocation of Independence
To the citizens of the United States of America (and especially the Trumpists) from His most Sovereign Majesty King Charles III:
In light of your failure to nominate a competent candidate for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. (You should look up 'revocation' in the Oxford ENGLISH Dictionary.)
My Sovereign Majesty King Charles III will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except North Dakota, which I do not fancy).Your new Prime Minister, Sir Keir Starmer, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections.Congress and the Senate will be disbanded.
A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed. The nincompoop you’ve elected as President will go to gaol (note the correct spelling) where he belongs and it will not be a comfortable, well equipped, large prison for the rich; it will be the usual one-room cell - this is not open to debate.
A criminal is a criminal is a criminal and he will be treated the same as all other criminals. It might be our pleasure later to hand him over to the people whose lives he ruined but first we shall see whether there’s any contrition after a few years in gaol.
Likewise, the criminals he has pardoned will be sent back to gaol (note the correct spelling again).Elon Musk will be tried for treason and, if found guilty, will join his friend Trump in gaol (you will learn to spell this correctly).
Either way, he will be stripped of his wealth and half will be given to the poor which will eradicate world poverty; the other half will be sent to Mr Zelenskyy to put an end to Russia’s invasion - we will stop the wolf at our door. Mr Zelenskyy is a war hero and will be treated by all Americans as such.
It might interest you all to discover that when a country is at war, it is standard for the leader of that country to wear army uniform but in time you will all learn civilised protocols. A lot of you seem to have very short attention and memory spans which has been exploited to the full by Mr Trump and his cronies so effective immediately, you will read up on recent history and commence daily memory exercises until you understand that Russia was the aggressor in the war with Ukraine.
You will keep your silly hands off Canada and Greenland. Also: To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
1. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns or lawyers you may carry on using therapists if you wish but guns will no longer be available in Costco or anywhere else. In future you may not carry anything more dangerous than a can-opener.
2. You will tell us who really killed JFK. It's been driving us mad for decades - you will stop lying about it.
3. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour,' 'favour,' 'labour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced by the suffix '-ise.' Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary'). There is no such thing as U.S. English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter 'u'' and the elimination of '-ize.'
4. 4th July will no longer be considered a public holiday.
5. You will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn to play cricket but you may play England first, to take the sting out.
6. Further, you will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).
7. I am King Charles III, that means Charles the Third (and not Charles Three); you will learn the correct form English.
In light of your failure to nominate a competent candidate for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. (You should look up 'revocation' in the Oxford ENGLISH Dictionary.)
My Sovereign Majesty King Charles III will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except North Dakota, which I do not fancy).Your new Prime Minister, Sir Keir Starmer, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections.Congress and the Senate will be disbanded.
A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed. The nincompoop you’ve elected as President will go to gaol (note the correct spelling) where he belongs and it will not be a comfortable, well equipped, large prison for the rich; it will be the usual one-room cell - this is not open to debate.
A criminal is a criminal is a criminal and he will be treated the same as all other criminals. It might be our pleasure later to hand him over to the people whose lives he ruined but first we shall see whether there’s any contrition after a few years in gaol.
Likewise, the criminals he has pardoned will be sent back to gaol (note the correct spelling again).Elon Musk will be tried for treason and, if found guilty, will join his friend Trump in gaol (you will learn to spell this correctly).
Either way, he will be stripped of his wealth and half will be given to the poor which will eradicate world poverty; the other half will be sent to Mr Zelenskyy to put an end to Russia’s invasion - we will stop the wolf at our door. Mr Zelenskyy is a war hero and will be treated by all Americans as such.
It might interest you all to discover that when a country is at war, it is standard for the leader of that country to wear army uniform but in time you will all learn civilised protocols. A lot of you seem to have very short attention and memory spans which has been exploited to the full by Mr Trump and his cronies so effective immediately, you will read up on recent history and commence daily memory exercises until you understand that Russia was the aggressor in the war with Ukraine.
You will keep your silly hands off Canada and Greenland. Also: To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
1. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns or lawyers you may carry on using therapists if you wish but guns will no longer be available in Costco or anywhere else. In future you may not carry anything more dangerous than a can-opener.
2. You will tell us who really killed JFK. It's been driving us mad for decades - you will stop lying about it.
3. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour,' 'favour,' 'labour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced by the suffix '-ise.' Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary'). There is no such thing as U.S. English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter 'u'' and the elimination of '-ize.'
4. 4th July will no longer be considered a public holiday.
5. You will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn to play cricket but you may play England first, to take the sting out.
6. Further, you will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).
7. I am King Charles III, that means Charles the Third (and not Charles Three); you will learn the correct form English.
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