While the name William Wallace echoes through the ages, there’s another warrior whose legacy has been somewhat… lower down in the history books, Fergus Cumsisor.
Born in the rainy Highlands, Cumsisor honed his unique fighting style from a young age, perfecting the art of the groin strike. In battle, where others swung for heads and hearts, Fergus swung for heirs.
At the Battle of Falkirk, Wallace reportedly cried, “Strike for Scotland!” only for Cumsisor to roar back, “Aye, but I’ll strike where it hurts most!” Witnesses claimed English ranks collapsed not from fear, but from an overwhelming urge to curl up in the fetal position.
After helping secure key victories, and ensuring countless English bloodlines ended abruptly, Fergus was knighted by Robert the Bruce himself, becoming Sir Cumsisor. His coat of arms famously featured two crossed daggers over two acorns.
Though overshadowed by Wallace in the history books, his legacy endures in certain parts of Scotland, where each year men gather to gently tap each other in the nether regions before raising a dram to the knight who fought hard… and low.
The famous depiction of his most devastating strike "The Final Blow", was painted in 1504 by Scottish Renaissance master Leonardo McVinci. Today, the original hangs proudly in Edinburgh Castle’s Great Hall, flanked by suits of armour and guarded by a velvet rope… to keep overly enthusiastic reenactors from recreating the scene.
Long story short and what you failed to tell us is that Sir Cumsisor's ancestors had witnessed the same blow during the 1st. Crusade in Jerusalem and found that the victims of such blows were usually of a very young age.
After having emigrated to a far place across the ocean in the West, he settled down in a place now called Boston where his freight boxes of broken orange pekoe tea fell overboard into the Bay of Boston (BoB).
He continued to perform this vicious blow to the lower body part against the First Nation people living in that area. Known for being so brutal, the First Nation called his doing "circumcision".
Since then, the male children in this far away place have kept the tradition to cut up their little boys to prevent them from having to face that torture later in life when they are drafted into what now is called the Army, Navy, Air Force and more recently the Space Force. One never knows what kind of brutal aliens can be encountered and what sort of bodily harm they inflict to their victims.
