I thank God for the amazing impact on my life
As I’ve always said in my previous stories and in my “About Me” section, I had roughness in my life that I should never have had to deal with, because of my father, being one thing, even though still, as is, my oldest brother being the primary reason. But never before in my life would I have ever seen such a change and an impact in my life by my father.
Also, in part of my stories I posted and in my “About Me” section, which are all the truth, doing psychiatry I didn’t even need and the psyche meds, which weren’t doing anything for me but consuming my time and money, was also, primarily, really, because of my oldest brother, who also divided our family, while most of the others from the other sides of our family still keep in contact with us to this day occasionally. That being why I completely exiled my oldest brother from my family, and why it’s basically me, another brother and his wife and kids, and my sister and her husband, and even my oldest brother’s ex-wife and her daughter (my niece) who are my family. I consider his ex-wife from being my sister-in-law to bring my sister to this day as how she’s acted as such more than he ever could act and be a brother to me. Especially since he was a pre-teen smoking and doing drugs off all sorts. My mother had high hopes for him, just as we all did, but he never opened to that. That being why even a broken heart was what consumed my mother besides just her pancreatic cancer, and even the broken heart consumed my father with such bitterness. My oldest brother being the reason all this happened.
It had gotten to the point where the conflict between me and my father which led to the psychiatry I didn’t even need and the meds that consumed my time and money. I tried telling even my oldest brother and he could only assume that I’m crazy, which I knew and know that I’m not, because I knew and know exactly how it all happened. He thinks everyone is crazy and that he is “right”, which he wasn’t even right for most of the time anyways. That being why, aside from his divorce from Nikki, he’s basically estranged from the family for even longer than we know and could remember, and yet in his head, he’s always “right”, which really he’s not.
However now, pertaining to this sudden change and amazing impact, a year and a half ago or two, at a time when my father and I were getting into a heated tension over something I didn’t even start and that wasn’t even me or even all me, I didn’t think I ever could, but I confronted my father on what I could still remember from that time of December 2010 with that conflict and that heated telling he did to me for me “yelling” at him, which I didn’t. Long story short, I went over with him on exactly what happened and how it happened and how I could remember it as, and how it gave me nightmares ever since and even the memories of the nightmares when I’m awake and all, and how it all has made me feel so insecure about myself and all. Amazingly, he looked at me with such a shocked look in his eyes and said, “If that was me that did that, then I’m sorry. How ever long that’s been, I don’t remember any of it. And I had no idea you didn’t yell at me. And I’m even more sorry for ever telling lies what you did, which you didn’t do and swore it was true. I hope you can find it you and forgive me of it, because deep down, I never wanted there to be trouble for and from me, and trouble between us. Again, I hope you can forgive me of it, because deep down, I’m truly sorry it ever happened.” Hearing that, I took a moment to process it and realize and come to terms with realizing he has forgotten all about it and didn’t remember any of it at all. I looked him in the eye and said, “Yes. I forgive you, Dad.”
I could see in the sudden impact, that God really has changed him. My father wasn’t as old fashioned as his dad, but he seemingly forgotten how to take life seriously like he did, and that being why certain people, even my mother as well as myself would avoid him on certain times. But then, having seen why I have been and am no-nonsense like my grandfather, I guess my pops could see why I remind him so much of that and of Granddad, and he could see what all he missed out of how it’s needed and of importance to take life seriously to this day instead of being a jokester and making up so-called “jokes” that aren’t even a joke or are even just bad jokes. My father could see the greatness in me in that I never took life as all a joke, which is different from knowing what all time silly and funny as opposed to what’s not funny with the so-called “jokes” and whatnot. I began to see and believe if the gospel could change my father for me, the gospel could change anyone who calls upon Him in His Name and seeks His teachings and changings and forgiveness as well.
Earlier this year, February 9th, 2023, my father died of congestive heart failure following a ruptured spleen and from which the factor to that was his respiratory distress. I was devastated, yes. But then I believed if he did seek all of that from the Lord Himself, then, also, he certainly at peace with my mother even after their divorce.
Just recently, having remembered all what had happened and all, with the December 2010 conflict and the anxieties and the stress and hardships and the insecurities and all from it all, to the point where I confronted him with it all and him giving me a most sincere apology ever and asking me to forgive him of it and telling him, “Yes. I forgive you, Dad”, I broke down completely in tears.
It’s also reminded me of the story of Bart Millard who had roughness in his childhood and life, too, and his dad Arthur made changes for himself the very same way when he was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. Bart could see his dad changed because God answered Bart’s prayers, Shannon Millard’s prayers, and even Arthur’s prayers that Arthur would change and make a new memory for himself and Bart, and that God has truly changed Arthur. If God could do that for Arthur for Bart, and if God could change my father for me, God could change anyone who seeks Him. Which is why after seeing the movie “I Can Only Imagine”, the Lord has used Bart’s story and testimony to minister me with His teachings, just the very same as God had delivered Bart from lots of anger and hatred.
When and if I ever decide to write an autobiography and it get made into a true story movie, I sure will have a story to tell. It’s only a wonder if anyone will ever believe me.
Also, in part of my stories I posted and in my “About Me” section, which are all the truth, doing psychiatry I didn’t even need and the psyche meds, which weren’t doing anything for me but consuming my time and money, was also, primarily, really, because of my oldest brother, who also divided our family, while most of the others from the other sides of our family still keep in contact with us to this day occasionally. That being why I completely exiled my oldest brother from my family, and why it’s basically me, another brother and his wife and kids, and my sister and her husband, and even my oldest brother’s ex-wife and her daughter (my niece) who are my family. I consider his ex-wife from being my sister-in-law to bring my sister to this day as how she’s acted as such more than he ever could act and be a brother to me. Especially since he was a pre-teen smoking and doing drugs off all sorts. My mother had high hopes for him, just as we all did, but he never opened to that. That being why even a broken heart was what consumed my mother besides just her pancreatic cancer, and even the broken heart consumed my father with such bitterness. My oldest brother being the reason all this happened.
It had gotten to the point where the conflict between me and my father which led to the psychiatry I didn’t even need and the meds that consumed my time and money. I tried telling even my oldest brother and he could only assume that I’m crazy, which I knew and know that I’m not, because I knew and know exactly how it all happened. He thinks everyone is crazy and that he is “right”, which he wasn’t even right for most of the time anyways. That being why, aside from his divorce from Nikki, he’s basically estranged from the family for even longer than we know and could remember, and yet in his head, he’s always “right”, which really he’s not.
However now, pertaining to this sudden change and amazing impact, a year and a half ago or two, at a time when my father and I were getting into a heated tension over something I didn’t even start and that wasn’t even me or even all me, I didn’t think I ever could, but I confronted my father on what I could still remember from that time of December 2010 with that conflict and that heated telling he did to me for me “yelling” at him, which I didn’t. Long story short, I went over with him on exactly what happened and how it happened and how I could remember it as, and how it gave me nightmares ever since and even the memories of the nightmares when I’m awake and all, and how it all has made me feel so insecure about myself and all. Amazingly, he looked at me with such a shocked look in his eyes and said, “If that was me that did that, then I’m sorry. How ever long that’s been, I don’t remember any of it. And I had no idea you didn’t yell at me. And I’m even more sorry for ever telling lies what you did, which you didn’t do and swore it was true. I hope you can find it you and forgive me of it, because deep down, I never wanted there to be trouble for and from me, and trouble between us. Again, I hope you can forgive me of it, because deep down, I’m truly sorry it ever happened.” Hearing that, I took a moment to process it and realize and come to terms with realizing he has forgotten all about it and didn’t remember any of it at all. I looked him in the eye and said, “Yes. I forgive you, Dad.”
I could see in the sudden impact, that God really has changed him. My father wasn’t as old fashioned as his dad, but he seemingly forgotten how to take life seriously like he did, and that being why certain people, even my mother as well as myself would avoid him on certain times. But then, having seen why I have been and am no-nonsense like my grandfather, I guess my pops could see why I remind him so much of that and of Granddad, and he could see what all he missed out of how it’s needed and of importance to take life seriously to this day instead of being a jokester and making up so-called “jokes” that aren’t even a joke or are even just bad jokes. My father could see the greatness in me in that I never took life as all a joke, which is different from knowing what all time silly and funny as opposed to what’s not funny with the so-called “jokes” and whatnot. I began to see and believe if the gospel could change my father for me, the gospel could change anyone who calls upon Him in His Name and seeks His teachings and changings and forgiveness as well.
Earlier this year, February 9th, 2023, my father died of congestive heart failure following a ruptured spleen and from which the factor to that was his respiratory distress. I was devastated, yes. But then I believed if he did seek all of that from the Lord Himself, then, also, he certainly at peace with my mother even after their divorce.
Just recently, having remembered all what had happened and all, with the December 2010 conflict and the anxieties and the stress and hardships and the insecurities and all from it all, to the point where I confronted him with it all and him giving me a most sincere apology ever and asking me to forgive him of it and telling him, “Yes. I forgive you, Dad”, I broke down completely in tears.
It’s also reminded me of the story of Bart Millard who had roughness in his childhood and life, too, and his dad Arthur made changes for himself the very same way when he was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. Bart could see his dad changed because God answered Bart’s prayers, Shannon Millard’s prayers, and even Arthur’s prayers that Arthur would change and make a new memory for himself and Bart, and that God has truly changed Arthur. If God could do that for Arthur for Bart, and if God could change my father for me, God could change anyone who seeks Him. Which is why after seeing the movie “I Can Only Imagine”, the Lord has used Bart’s story and testimony to minister me with His teachings, just the very same as God had delivered Bart from lots of anger and hatred.
When and if I ever decide to write an autobiography and it get made into a true story movie, I sure will have a story to tell. It’s only a wonder if anyone will ever believe me.
