Am I ok? Not really.
A second miscarriage, being evicted from our property, the stress of having to find a new one with a time limit, my job loss , health scares. Every stress in between. In a very short space of time. If I'm honest 2025 has been the worst year of my life.
My wife was the first to have an incident where all the anger, stress, etc was released. We had a dispute with the tenancy deposit scheme and my wife lost her cool- she accused the landlord and the agent a bunch of frauds (to the agents face) who deliberately pocket money and she said she'd put a curse on the landlord.
Only yesterday after months of numbness I was next- I was reading an article in the awful magazine "Premier Christianity". Let's just say the author accused people like me of not caring about the global church- I usually would have done the Seth Meyers dismissive wave at an article like this but this was my outlet and I snapped. I sounded like a mini Greg Locke with spittle and I slam dunked the magazine I creased with my hands into the paper recycling expressing my desire for the author to rot in hell.
What? You think by my posts me and my wife are some perfect holier than thou couple? You don't think we need to grow? You don't think we're human? You need to understand my posts are glorifying God and I am preaching to myself too as any good pastor will tell you. Obviously we didn't mean those things but you know- stress.
I realised I wasn't ok yesterday morning at the gym on the weights section when a man approached me and with a concerned look asked if I was ok, he had to take some convincing I was! I had drifted off into my own world, thinking about the events of the year and worrying about my Job Centre appointment- what if our housing costs aren't accepted? What if I get forced into a dead end minimum wage role- back to where I started? There goes all those years of networking into finance and doing an OU degree while working full time- all for nothing.
I thank God for my church- no pop theology saying life is a breeze, no danger of romanticizing trials which are anything but adventurous, God's sovereignty is preached. And that includes him bringing you trials. Yesterday's Bible Study was needed and I look forward to sharing the notes.
Will everything be on the up for us now? Light at the end of the tunnel? I don't know but I do know God holds my future.
My wife was the first to have an incident where all the anger, stress, etc was released. We had a dispute with the tenancy deposit scheme and my wife lost her cool- she accused the landlord and the agent a bunch of frauds (to the agents face) who deliberately pocket money and she said she'd put a curse on the landlord.
Only yesterday after months of numbness I was next- I was reading an article in the awful magazine "Premier Christianity". Let's just say the author accused people like me of not caring about the global church- I usually would have done the Seth Meyers dismissive wave at an article like this but this was my outlet and I snapped. I sounded like a mini Greg Locke with spittle and I slam dunked the magazine I creased with my hands into the paper recycling expressing my desire for the author to rot in hell.
What? You think by my posts me and my wife are some perfect holier than thou couple? You don't think we need to grow? You don't think we're human? You need to understand my posts are glorifying God and I am preaching to myself too as any good pastor will tell you. Obviously we didn't mean those things but you know- stress.
I realised I wasn't ok yesterday morning at the gym on the weights section when a man approached me and with a concerned look asked if I was ok, he had to take some convincing I was! I had drifted off into my own world, thinking about the events of the year and worrying about my Job Centre appointment- what if our housing costs aren't accepted? What if I get forced into a dead end minimum wage role- back to where I started? There goes all those years of networking into finance and doing an OU degree while working full time- all for nothing.
I thank God for my church- no pop theology saying life is a breeze, no danger of romanticizing trials which are anything but adventurous, God's sovereignty is preached. And that includes him bringing you trials. Yesterday's Bible Study was needed and I look forward to sharing the notes.
Will everything be on the up for us now? Light at the end of the tunnel? I don't know but I do know God holds my future.
