Karma or Coincidence?

One of my oldest friends contacted me on messenger a few days ago to tell me she has dementia. she is 66. Her mother and grandmother both died from it. It is like a genetic switch just flipped on. She told me she wasn't going to be able to go to our reunion. The doctors have her on aricept to slow the progession.

here is the sad part.

i had an awful childhood. i loved her mother like my own. My friend was a wild child but i seemed to be a good influence on her while we hung out. But apparently she got into dealing drugs and was hanging with the wrong people and her mother put her foot down,

My friend never forgave her. Then she found out who her real dad was and that he had died before she could make contact. That was the final blow to my friend.

when her mother was diagnosed with Dementia, she told the county home she didn't want to be called or notified ever. She told them where her mother's burial plot was and moved on.

i visited her in the home when i was in town. She knew who i was. She couldn't communicate but she was so happy to see me.

My friend doesn't know what happened to her mother. Now she has dementia too.

Heartlander · 80-89, M

Unfortunately, there are no definitive diagnostic tests to to say for certainty the cause of the dementia. It's the accumulation of symptoms that lead docs to say Alzheimers, Vascular, Lewy Body, Parkinson's. Plus a few Thyroid related disease, plus a version of Sarcoidosis, etc., etc. so you never know if the drugs are helping. Also you never know the speed of the progression. Though I did see a video a few days ago suggesting that they may be close to a tell-tale pointer to lewy body. Hopefully your friend has a super slow progression that at least occasionally takes its foot off the gas pedal. Regardless, remember that happiness is a state of mind, and having good friends who are there, thick and thin, can make one happy, in spite of such circumstances.

A big benefit that's part of the internet is the access to support groups with contributors from all corners of the earth. Facebook has hundreds, if not thousands of quality support groups. Also Youtube has hundreds if not thousands of quality presentations that will help deal with and understand what's going on.

Our experience with dementia suggests that even if presumably inherited, the symptoms and progress isn't the same from one generation to the next. Diseases that slowly kill off the brain don't follow the same path from one person to the next. So just knowing that the mom also suffered doesn't mean the daughter will follow the same exact path. It might be beneficial to look at the mom's medical charts, of have your friend's doctors gain access for hints about the mom's medical history.

akindheart · 61-69, F

@Heartlander thanks for giving me some hope. she is not responding to me right away so that makes me wonder if she is worse than what she told me. she said she can't come to the reunion in 6 months. i hope she keeps in touch

braveheart21 · 61-69, M

All you can do Is be there for her.. An anchor to a more pleasant history that may still have a place in her memories... A smile a friendly face could mean more to her than even the doctors know...