I Struggle With My Body Image
Idk, what's going on with me as of late. I've pretty much always had a generally positive outlook on my body image, even as a chubby kid in elementary school. About a year ago I looked back at the old pictures and laughed it up with my mom about how I thought I was 'everything' and wondered where I had gotten that confidence from.
In high school I began to slim down. Not sure if it was puberty, cross country, or a mixture of the two, but I began to have a phenomenal, toned, hour-glass figure. At this point, I became a little self-conscious. I had always idolized the tall, stick-thin, modelesque girls in my class. I didn't appreciate my own shape. It never got to the point of any eating disorders or self-harm, but both ideas had crossed my mind from time to time, but overall I was content enough to let things be.
It wasn't until I began a relationship, fresh out of undergrad with an older man, that I began to have body issues. He was a photographer, and at the beginning of our relationship he appeared to like my body. But as time went on, he started dropping hints about me exercising, eating less, or 'feeling soft'. I would brush it off with a snarky comment back. It didn't really begin to get under my skin until he started comparing me to other girls, doing photo shoots with leaner models and then saving the images to his computer in buried files for 'editing' later.
At this point, I did attempt to restrict my food, but I just found myself eating more and more. By the end of our relationship, I'm sure I had gained 20 pounds.
Whatever... enough about that.
Anyways, I've recently started working out again, and although I'm slow to see visible results, going through the changes of building strength, increasing flexibility and endurance is making me fall in love with my body all over again. I'm loving the challenge of mentally and physically pushing my limits and continually being in awe of what my body can do. I know that the physical gains will come in time, but that's not the goal. I'm not even measuring or weighing myself. This is all about reviving my admiration for my body in my own way.
I'm about 30 days in. Wish me luck as I continue the journey!
In high school I began to slim down. Not sure if it was puberty, cross country, or a mixture of the two, but I began to have a phenomenal, toned, hour-glass figure. At this point, I became a little self-conscious. I had always idolized the tall, stick-thin, modelesque girls in my class. I didn't appreciate my own shape. It never got to the point of any eating disorders or self-harm, but both ideas had crossed my mind from time to time, but overall I was content enough to let things be.
It wasn't until I began a relationship, fresh out of undergrad with an older man, that I began to have body issues. He was a photographer, and at the beginning of our relationship he appeared to like my body. But as time went on, he started dropping hints about me exercising, eating less, or 'feeling soft'. I would brush it off with a snarky comment back. It didn't really begin to get under my skin until he started comparing me to other girls, doing photo shoots with leaner models and then saving the images to his computer in buried files for 'editing' later.
At this point, I did attempt to restrict my food, but I just found myself eating more and more. By the end of our relationship, I'm sure I had gained 20 pounds.
Whatever... enough about that.
Anyways, I've recently started working out again, and although I'm slow to see visible results, going through the changes of building strength, increasing flexibility and endurance is making me fall in love with my body all over again. I'm loving the challenge of mentally and physically pushing my limits and continually being in awe of what my body can do. I know that the physical gains will come in time, but that's not the goal. I'm not even measuring or weighing myself. This is all about reviving my admiration for my body in my own way.
I'm about 30 days in. Wish me luck as I continue the journey!
31-35, F
