How do you not let your imperfections and society's perception of them make you feel insecure?
Maybe it's a bit silly, especially at my age, but I l let things get in my head way too easily sometimes.
It's funny, because even though I was deeply insecure as a teen, I was never really self conscious about anything other than my weight and social awkwardness (well, and my above average height in my later teens when I noticed guys my age seemed to exclusively like very petite women). Stuff like the fact that I have a shorter neck, broad shoulders and slightly narrower hips, hair that refuses to grow past my bra strap and is naturally curly/wavy (apparently not a good thing, especially in the late 2000s/early 2010s when I was a teen, as I got tons of bad reactions to it and was told I should straighten it by many people), and the single forehead line I've had since childhood never bothered me. I thought that if the overall picture was okay, that was enough.
I don't know what happened, honestly. I think something really messed with my head when I lost weight at around 20 and was immediately treated much better by people than when I was heavier. That sort of bred this idea into my head that my value to others is heavily, if not entirely, based on my looks. Now, every single imperfection, from the new fine lines to my difficult hair not looking perfect enough no matter what I do to it, to pretty much anything big or small that might be perceived as a "flaw," gets in my head and makes me feel like I'm not good enough or will not be respected and seen as worthy. Of course, with the media and beauty industry's obsession with making women feel insecure about their looks (which I know is marketing, but I hate to admit that it still makes me feel inferior since it seems to have a huge influence on the beauty standards of regular people), this gets even worse.
I never even knew I had a shorter neck and "linebacker shoulders" until someone brought it up to me. New insecurity unlocked. 🙄 I initially thought, "Who really pays that much attention to necks and shoulders anyway?" Turns out a lot of people do, and ALL of the famous beautiful women have long, slender necks. The petite, feminine looking women all have narrower shoulders. I feel like I look so masculine (coupled with my 5'8" height), and there's nothing I can even do about my bone structure.
Any time I've heard or read negative comments about features I have, they've affected me a lot more than they should. They make me feel ugly and like I'm not valued because I have flaws.
I compare myself to other women constantly, and feel terrible about myself when I see someone who has some better feature than I do. It may sound stupid, but it makes me feel like less of a woman, especially if they have a feminine feature I lack. I've developed a need to be the very best in every way; I feel like a failure if I'm not beautiful enough, not successful enough, etc. I find myself not only comparing my looks to other women, but also viciously comparing my own personal success to others my age (such as career, finances, our houses and vehicles, personal achievements and what ages we accomplished them at, etc.) I feel very insecure if I'm not at the top. It's all or nothing with me sometimes– if I'm not the very best, I feel like the very worst.
I recognize that this isn't healthy, and I want to change it. How do you learn to buck this crap?
It's funny, because even though I was deeply insecure as a teen, I was never really self conscious about anything other than my weight and social awkwardness (well, and my above average height in my later teens when I noticed guys my age seemed to exclusively like very petite women). Stuff like the fact that I have a shorter neck, broad shoulders and slightly narrower hips, hair that refuses to grow past my bra strap and is naturally curly/wavy (apparently not a good thing, especially in the late 2000s/early 2010s when I was a teen, as I got tons of bad reactions to it and was told I should straighten it by many people), and the single forehead line I've had since childhood never bothered me. I thought that if the overall picture was okay, that was enough.
I don't know what happened, honestly. I think something really messed with my head when I lost weight at around 20 and was immediately treated much better by people than when I was heavier. That sort of bred this idea into my head that my value to others is heavily, if not entirely, based on my looks. Now, every single imperfection, from the new fine lines to my difficult hair not looking perfect enough no matter what I do to it, to pretty much anything big or small that might be perceived as a "flaw," gets in my head and makes me feel like I'm not good enough or will not be respected and seen as worthy. Of course, with the media and beauty industry's obsession with making women feel insecure about their looks (which I know is marketing, but I hate to admit that it still makes me feel inferior since it seems to have a huge influence on the beauty standards of regular people), this gets even worse.
I never even knew I had a shorter neck and "linebacker shoulders" until someone brought it up to me. New insecurity unlocked. 🙄 I initially thought, "Who really pays that much attention to necks and shoulders anyway?" Turns out a lot of people do, and ALL of the famous beautiful women have long, slender necks. The petite, feminine looking women all have narrower shoulders. I feel like I look so masculine (coupled with my 5'8" height), and there's nothing I can even do about my bone structure.
Any time I've heard or read negative comments about features I have, they've affected me a lot more than they should. They make me feel ugly and like I'm not valued because I have flaws.
I compare myself to other women constantly, and feel terrible about myself when I see someone who has some better feature than I do. It may sound stupid, but it makes me feel like less of a woman, especially if they have a feminine feature I lack. I've developed a need to be the very best in every way; I feel like a failure if I'm not beautiful enough, not successful enough, etc. I find myself not only comparing my looks to other women, but also viciously comparing my own personal success to others my age (such as career, finances, our houses and vehicles, personal achievements and what ages we accomplished them at, etc.) I feel very insecure if I'm not at the top. It's all or nothing with me sometimes– if I'm not the very best, I feel like the very worst.
I recognize that this isn't healthy, and I want to change it. How do you learn to buck this crap?
26-30, F
