I'm already regretting this post. I know the responses are going to be hateful and exhausting. [I Married Curious]

So I'm married. It's been seven years now, so I should be getting the itch right?

Nope.

I'm very happy with the relationship. There are things that frustrate the hell out of me, but those exist in every relationship. The amount of work I do to take care of her as well as loving her can be exhausting at times. She can be really spiteful and it bothers me. I'm concerned that recently she's started 'reading more right wing stuff' because she's rebounding against the idea that we all need to be educated about racism.

But like I say, none of these are things that stop me from loving her. What's changed during lockdown is my understanding of myself. I've always argued against monogamy in a theoretical way, but being stuck in one place with one person - even someone I love - for these months has made me realise I am not a monogamous person. I guess that makes me polyamorous.

I've talked to her really openly and honestly about this. I've told her I've thought hard about it and explained exactly how I feel. I'd like the opportunity to say yes to situations that come up spontaneously. I've explained that I'm completely capable of falling in love with, and being in love with other people without this diminishing my feelings for her. I've said that there's no danger of me meeting someone and running away with them, because I'd only be interested in exploring with people who understand and respect that I love her and I'm not going anywhere.

She thought about it. Accepted that that's who I am. Went away for two days on a planned trip to see a friend.

When she came back she told me the whole idea made her sad and maybe we should just split up now to save things from falling apart over time. I immediately said this isn't what I wanted, the whole point is that I want to be with her, and be myself.

But I don't know if that's possible.

This is one of the rare posts where I'm actually asking for advice. What should I do?

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Vivaci

Wow! You know yourself too well, my friend.

1. Tell me what has changed after 7 yrs?

2. Is this the 7 yr itch or you think you'll find a better woman, but don't want to risk it all until you're sure you've found the real deal(which will take a lot of effort)

or...

3....do you want to just show her that you can look for another partner if she is being so demanding and changing her political views. It's you that can't accept her changing. It's you that is scared you might wake up to a woman you hardly recognize. So you want to 'start paddling' now that you're seeing the cracks in your boat.

My advice: Don't panic.

If you want something solid n long-term with this woman, tell her you both can revisit this topic next year. There's no hurry. Both need time to weigh your pros and cons. But it's important to work on your trust now...or else you'll surely end up losing her, forever.

She'll find another man, who is dedicated to only her. But the question is, [b][i]are you willing to lose her, if you think of the worst possible situation?[/i][/b]

So don't hurry. Don't panic. Just think bout it next year...see if you both have changed after this discussion. That will be a true test of your feelings for each other.

No one can decide for you both...only you both should. If you invite a third person in, you're already on shaky grounds.

Just my two cents. Take it or leave it. I'm sorry if I might have sounded candid, but I tried to be as unstudied as possible.✌️💙 Chose 1, 2 or 3 first...if you can.

CheshireCatalyst · 36-40, M

@Vivaci honestly it's none of the three. I love her. Hopefully I always will. I don't want to lose her, I'm not looking for a replacement for what we have. This isn't about our relationship, this is about the fact that the default setting doesn't fit who I am.

Vivaci

@CheshireCatalyst Then you need to keep your needs on the back burner, my friend.

Sorry, but a marriage with kids is like a train on two tracks. Both wheels need to be functioning in parallel for the train to run smoothly.

And that means [b] compromise and sacrifice.[/b]

And that means bringing up your son/daughter to be the best version of yourself.

It's not about you or her anymore. You're a parent now. Got to be more responsible.

Keep your kid in the equation too.

Am I making sense? 😇

CheshireCatalyst · 36-40, M

@Vivaci this reminds me of the old Spark personality test question.

Compromise is important in a relationship, whose?

A) yours
B ) theirs

If compromise and sacrifice are what are needed to keep both wheels running straight, why is it only me making a sacrifice?

Vivaci

@CheshireCatalyst then you've just chosen point 3.

I edited my earlier response...not sure if you read it.

[b][u]And it's ok to feel like you're only giving and not getting back enough. [/u][/b]