I Love Being A Gay Sissy

My Life Is A Sham!... I'm 50 years old and a totally gay, cock-loving, submissive, pink sissy pantyboy in private. I work for a military contractor and am surrounded by military or ex-military men. I can't "come out" at work as I'd more than likely lose a 6 figure job that I love doing as none of the "Macho Married Men" would accept working with or for a sissy faggot. None of my family knows and most of them would seriously not approve of my being gay. I've lived most of my life in the closet and often wonder if people aren't talking about it behind my back, I've never heard any inkling of this, nor has anyone even intimated that I might be gay but I have to wonder, none of them has ever seen me with a "girlfriend" or a "boyfriend" for that matter, are they blind, do they think i'm asexual? I'm very "straight acting" and looking, if you were to see me in the "normal daily world" you would never think i'm wearing pretty pink panties under my guy clothes and wishing i could have my lips, toe and fingernails all painted in pretty sissy pink for anyone to see :) I've lived alone most of my adult life and have never been in a "committed relationship", this is a very lonely life but I guess it's the life I've chosen to live. I wish that I could flauntingly explode out of my closet and be accepted by co-workers, friends and family alike but pretty much know that will never happen. So where do I go from here? do I spend the rest of my life hiding who I truly am from everyone just to keep the comfortable status quo going? Isn't it about time I start to question where I've been and where I'm going? Do I give up everything I know and love so I can be who I was meant to be? Oh so many questions and very few answers!

I'm not complaining but just need to vent a little.