I think I am asexual

I always figured I couldn't be "ace" because asexual people do not experience sexual attraction. But recently I discovered that a lot of ace people enjoy erotic fanfic and that sort of thing. As long as it's someone else, not them. I think that's me.

I sometimes find myself wishing I was in a sexual relationship. In theory. But any time anyone expresses interest, I immediately shut down and feel extremely uncomfortable. I tell myself things like, "I wouldn't want to subject another person to my body." But if I'm honest, I think that's me projecting my own feelings onto someone else.

2024 EDIT: I have come to think this label doesn't really fit me. I don't think it was wrong to try it on for a time. Everything I said here are still issues I struggle with. But I am slowly learning to work past them. Some days are better than others.

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Ontheroad · M

From what I've read, asexuality covers a broad spectrum, and sometimes a person self-identifies as asexual, when they are in fact graysexual or grayromantic... or even demisexual.

ShadowSister · 46-50, F

@Ontheroad I mean, it's all a spectrum, right? I'm not so much looking to figure out exactly where I fall on the scale as I am just trying to figure out why I am so miserable about sexuality. Why do I shut down any time someone hints that they may be interested in me?

There is a woman who lives in my apartment building that I find attractive. I actually imagined what it would be like to be with her. A couple weeks ago we got to talking in the laundry room and she mentioned that she would be open to being with a woman. It was pretty obvious that she was looking to see if I was open to being with her. Immediately my brain went, "Oh HELL no," and I shifted into hyper-platonic mode.

I always figured I couldn't be ace because if I was, I wouldn't have experienced that initial attraction towards her. But I'm just now coming to realize that my way of not being sexual doesn't have to match up with other ways of being non-sexual in order for me to legitimately be ace.

SW-User

@ShadowSister I think I get what you mean. I used to think I couldn't be ace because I would find myself "falling in love" and attracted to someone in my mind, but the reality of dating and marriage taught me differently. It's one thing to "think" or "feel" you are attracted when the other person is absent, and quite another to actually [b]be [/b]in a real physical/sexual relationship.

ShadowSister · 46-50, F

@SW-User Thank you for sharing your experience. It makes me feel less alone. ❤️

Ontheroad · M

@ShadowSister I think you are absolutely right - you are whatever you believe/feel you are, and it doesn't matter one bit what others/ experts believe, say, or think. I also think a person's sexuality can change over time or in different situations, etc.

Past experiences would, I think, have much to do with a person's sexuality and how it could change from being, for instance, asexual to sexual or anything in between.

ShadowSister · 46-50, F

@Ontheroad Right. And I would very much like to change. But wanting to change and actually being able to change are entirely different. As attested by everyone who has ever been subjected to Conversion Therapy. Thank you for your feedback, I appreciate it very much.

Ontheroad · M

@ShadowSister I wonder if you were in a long-term platonic (with overtones of romance) relationship, would it not maybe progress from platonic to sexual?

ShadowSister · 46-50, F

@Ontheroad If I was straight it maybe could. Guys can usually turn from friends to lovers with no issues. Girls aren't generally like that.