Love & Attraction > Attracted to Men

Only logged in members can reply and interact with the post.
Join SimilarWorlds for FREE »

Why does this older man keep calling me a girl?

I work with this older man and tbh I don't like him that much, I have noticed something he keeps calling me girl,
Like well done girl, good girl, and such, and I feel like I cringe like I feel that i am a woman not a girl,
Is this normal? Should I stop working with him?

Top | Newest First | Oldest First

checkoutanytime · M

He may think he is being polite, bc of the age gap.

View 3 more replies »

Collegegirl23 · 31-35, F

@FreestyleArt but he is being creepy calling all the time rather texting no one else does that in a professional settings

markansas

@checkoutanytime damn one thing we agree on.. age gap is the reason.. i still call the cashier hon.. its were i grew up and who i grew up around.. take no offense. just keep repeating your name and he might remember it.. and use it.. or call him ol man..

This message was deleted by its author.

FrozenWasteland · 61-69, M

It's hard to know what term(s) of address are appropriate since it varies so much from person to person. I doubt very much that he means any offense, and he might well cringe himself if he knew it made you cringe. I have inadvertently offended people too and have always been grateful for finding out.

You are entitled to be addresed in a manner that makes you comfortable, but he is entitled to know that you are not comfortable with things as they are as well.

Just tell him, in a non-judgemental way, ideally in person, what your preference is, and I would expect that problem will soon be over. I don't see any reason to stop working with him, if he is responsive to your request.

If not, there's a bigger issue. Which, come to think of it, there might be since you did mention that you don't like him that much and it's not clear whether that's because of the way he addresses you or because of something else..

Collegegirl23 · 31-35, F

I just don't like the way he speaks to me as if I am lesser than him @FrozenWasteland

FrozenWasteland · 61-69, M

@Collegegirl23 Well, if I was in his place, I would certainly want to understand how you were feeling. Can you talk with him?

I've had a few discussions of this type (not exactly this situation) over the years and they always worked out fine.

Collegegirl23 · 31-35, F

@FrozenWasteland I prefer to just stop working with that's what's most people told me am not much of a confrontation person

SW-User

I am not sure but if you don't like it it's better to tell him. Here in my culture the equivalent of girl is almost interchangeable with woman if you're like under 40.

Collegegirl23 · 31-35, F

@SW-User a girl means a child here but you're right he is from a different culture maybe it's okay where he is from

Poppies · 61-69, F

It sounds patronizing.
What would happen if you would call him "Old Man"? Would you get in trouble? If he objected, could you "jokingly" explain that if he is going to call you Girl, you are going to call him Old Man?

View 5 more replies »

Collegegirl23 · 31-35, F

@RogueLoner he is black!

Collegegirl23 · 31-35, F

@Poppies in professional settings I prefer men to call me by my first name he doesn't call other people girll so why me? It's so weird and creepy

Poppies · 61-69, F

@Collegegirl23 yes it is weird that he singles you out.

Piper · 61-69, F

I don't know, but it isn't the you being a women and not a "girl" part that seems strange. I know it would bug me also, if someone kept calling me either...instead of using my ]name.

SweetMae · 70-79, F

You could mention to him you don't care to be called "girl." (You can leave a note) If he continues anyway, start caling him boy.

Collegegirl23 · 31-35, F

@SweetMae his too old to be called a boy so I think it would be weird

Carissimi · F

He comes from a different time, and if your age range is correct, you probably look like a young girl to him. Be gracious and mature about it, rather than be offended. I’m sure it’s not meant to be, and it’s just that he sees you as very young. Change your attitude and perspective, and see it more as an endearment rather than an insult.

Collegegirl23 · 31-35, F

Fyi he that much old maybe in 40s or 50 max but still he addresses his coworkers with their first name but me and also he seems as if he is flirting sometimes @Carissimi

Barny52 · 56-60, M

Just call him old man all the time

Teslin · M

@Barny52 PERFECT !!!!

jackrabbit10 · M

where i live is in the southern U.S.A,, it is a common thing to say girl,,,,would you like for him to say to you hay Woman ,,,good morning Lady,,

my self I do it all the time even on hear,,IF I dont know her name ,,never really thought about

Collegegirl23 · 31-35, F

@jackrabbit10 I don't but it's a recent thing and it's a professional setting so I prefer my name not girrlll

jackrabbit10 · M

@Collegegirl23 yes I see your point,,he should call you by name,,

like on hear no one knows your real name,,,U and I have talked on hear,,,still dont know your real name

Pfuzylogic · M

He is being an idiot and intentionally trying to denigrate you. Either he stops or you refuse to interact with him.

Collegegirl23 · 31-35, F

@Pfuzylogic he is very creepy I won't work with him anymore

Pfuzylogic · M

@Collegegirl23
excellent choice….
He has no interpersonal skills.

Collegegirl23 · 31-35, F

@Pfuzylogic yes he crosses the boundaries

SW-User

it's improper. if he forgets your name, then 'young lady' seems more appropriate. maybe if you refer to him as 'older man' he'll realize it's odd

Collegegirl23 · 31-35, F

I would prefer young lady too @SW-User

Budwick · 70-79, M

Well Girl, I think I suggest that you get an extra bottle of bubbles and a puppy.
I don't give a &*it about gender pronouns and I think that those that pretend to are idiots.

FloorGenAdm · 51-55, M

[media=https://youtu.be/eq3MzLnBi2Y]

ChipmunkErnie · 70-79, M

No idea -- why do fully grown, middle-aged women call getting together a "girls' night out"?

Collegegirl23 · 31-35, F

@ChipmunkErnie that's true

This comment is hidden. Show Comment

Collegegirl23 · 31-35, F

@nightjourney but it's sexist and demeaning

Carissimi · F

Oh for heavens sake, stop with the Woke stuff. Why is calling a young woman a girl (from an older generation) sexist? Get some perspective sprinkled with some grace and maturity. @Collegegirl23

Muthafukajones · 46-50, M

He doesn’t mean anything by it. Try not to be offended by it.

TexChik · F

If it bugs you , stop working with him.

black4white · 56-60, M

Have you said to him in a polite way to please not call you that? And if he asks why just say because I am a young woman and you can call me that if you like 😁…

Collegegirl23 · 31-35, F

@black4white I don't like that either cause it's professional settings he should act professional and call me by my name

black4white · 56-60, M

@Collegegirl23 then please let him know that 😁

SW-User

The country manager calls my team her "boys". Lol i dont think anything of it.

View 2 more replies »

Collegegirl23 · 31-35, F

@SW-User I guess I should just ignore it and not interact with him as much cause it's getting creepy calling me daily rather texting like normal people

SW-User

@Collegegirl23 If it bothers you, take action. A complaint to HR or something.

Collegegirl23 · 31-35, F

@SW-User I don't like to cause a scene

Teslin · M

Sometimes it is a sign that he feels you are inferior to him. Yes, tell him off and put him in his place. Or stop working with him.
Just my opinion.

Collegegirl23 · 31-35, F

@Teslin omg that's even a worse reason for it, next time he says it I will show him

Teslin · M

@Collegegirl23 Yes, better that you are comfortable !!

Heartlander · 80-89, M

Have you tried using phrases like "good boy", "at-a boy", or "little boy" with him?

View 1 more replies »

Heartlander · 80-89, M

@Carissimi If for no other reason, just to lighten the conversation style and fish for a sustainable discourse level. There's a bit of difference between working "with" someone Vs "for" someone. "with" suggests appropriate and agreeable for everyone.

Personally, I would never refer to someone, whether a coworker or my employee with a phrase like "girl" or "boy" except maybe in a "good girl", "good boy" or "at-a girl/boy" light hearted expression, suggesting that they are deserving of praise.

Carissimi · F

How do you know he’s not using it that way? @Heartlander

Heartlander · 80-89, M

@Carissimi

I don't. Just that a bit of light hearted nudging may help force the issue to awareness.

There are some who may not want to know the names of their coworkers, or maybe they may be socially inhibited, or prefer self confinement; and referencing others with "girl" or "boy", etc. may be their way to keep a distance.

A little light hearted nudging would help either melt the ice or provide some insight.

Lostpoet · M

It's creepy he might think that all women are sensitive about their age and he doesn't know he's giving off an old creepy smell.

Collegegirl23 · 31-35, F

@Lostpoet it's so creepy it's bothering me a lot

Lostpoet · M

@Collegegirl23 You should politely tell him to refer to you as a woman.

This comment is hidden. Show Comment

Collegegirl23 · 31-35, F

@Suesinglemom I can stop working with him but it would need an explanation which I am not comfortable with or confrontation

Subsumedpat · 36-40, M

Just ask him why, not as a back lash just calmly, just curious why to you call me girl, instead of woman or my name.

Collegegirl23 · 31-35, F

@Subsumedpat I feel he is sexist that's why

DaddyThomas · 46-50, M

Tell him to call you by your name and that you feel uncomfortable if he calls you girl

Collegegirl23 · 31-35, F

Okay i think he doesn't know it's wrong @DaddyThomas

DaddyThomas · 46-50, M

@Collegegirl23 well, if you tell him he’ll know

SStarfish ·

No its cause you're a girl.. even you call yourself a girl in your username 😅

Collegegirl23 · 31-35, F

@SStarfish that username was done years ago from experience project days

SStarfish ·

You can change it @Collegegirl23

BeefySenpie · M

He's losing his memory so must constantly remind himself you're not a boy

Collegegirl23 · 31-35, F

@BeefySenpie i think he is having dementia

496sbc · 36-40, M

Yes stop working with him sounds like an idiot to me

Collegegirl23 · 31-35, F

@496sbc exactly that's what I think too

496sbc · 36-40, M

Good idea @Collegegirl23

Ryannnnnn · 31-35, M

That's kinda demeaning and weird

Collegegirl23 · 31-35, F

@Ryannnnnn I think to stop working with him because of that

bijouxbroussard · F

It is patronizing, or could be perceived as such. I’ve been reading some of the other discussions here and, if he doesn’t address the others like that, you might say, "If it’s all the same to you I’d rather you use my name—the way you greet our other colleagues." Possibly if he’s reminded that he’s treating you differently, he’ll stop.