We were in public and he took my hand to hold hands, I said politely and in a positive/silly voice that I thought it was too early to be holding hands

He instantly became weird and upsetish (passive aggressive) and was weird for the rest of the evening

I tried talking to him about it, reassuring him, and even saying it's okay for him to be upset about it.

But I have to uphold my boundaries.

He kept making passive aggressive comments and being cold.

I think he's a super anxious person and I understand that but I don't think he's the right person for me to be dating.

--

We had a talk also the previous day about how often we should see one another. We created a schedule (this works better for me and respects both of our time)

But he still seemed to hint that he might just want to pop by whenever. :/

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FreeorLonely · 51-55, F

I’m sorry, you should be able to set boundaries and the other person should respect them. If he’s anxious it’ll take some work for sure.

caccoon · 36-40

@FreeorLonely yeah it is a huge turn off for me now when people don't respect my boundaries

BillyMack · 46-50, M

Yeah, that doesn't sound cool on his part. Props to you for setting the boundaries. I can see how that can be upsetting for either or both of you, but the need for boundaries is important.

Hope you find a way to manage this with him, or he gets the hint and doesn't push anymore.

caccoon · 36-40

@BillyMack yeah, I get it too, which is why I tried to be gentle about it. But I think after only five or six dates it's a bit early to be holding hands in public. But I am disappointed with his reaction, distance and attitude afterwards and for hours afterwards

Thank you 💙 I don't feel comfy having the conversation in person so I am going to distance myself slowly

BillyMack · 46-50, M

@caccoon I definitely think his reaction was telling. I don't know enough about the specifics but that's not a good thing. I hope it improves.

caccoon · 36-40

@BillyMack yeah, and I think he's pretty lovely but maybe we are just not a match

He said he would have to get used to not holding my hand, and that it's weird for him, and that it's comforting for him to hold my hand

But it makes me uncomfortable this early

HappyCamper74 · M

You hurt his ego, even though u were polite about it.
Boundaries are fine and should be established beforehand as to not get hurt feelings.
If his actions and/or reactions are throwing up red flags early on in the relationship, u may want to rethink being in a relationship with him.

caccoon · 36-40

@HappyCamper74 I know I did, that's why I checked on him after and hugged him and put my boobs in his face and told him he could tell me anything that's on his mind

But yes, too many red flags

HappyCamper74 · M

@caccoon lmao! Too early to hold hands, but not too early to hug him and put ur boobs in his face! Lol! I love it!😆

caccoon · 36-40

@HappyCamper74 holding hands in public

To me, that comes with a level of discomfort because I like to be sure of a relationship before people see me publicly with them in that way

Bexsy

Maybe he's not right for you to date as you said, if he's making you this uncomfortable already

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caccoon · 36-40

@Bexsy I think so too.

And he will want to do it in person and I don't want to. 😣

Bexsy

@caccoon if you don't want to, then i wouldn't. It's up to him to understand or walk away himself

caccoon · 36-40

@Bexsy luckily I was sort of getting vibes this morning that he didn't wanna be around me so that's good

I don't wanna upset him but also I am not comfy in this