I Used to Be Christian Now I'm Agnostic

I know something is out there that controls everything. You can call it God but it's not like what they say in religious texts. It's not loving, it's not forgiving, no matter how hard you pray it doesn't care about you because to them you're just a speck in space who is lucky to be alive.

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4meAndyou · F

The God Who speaks to me, inside my heart, late at night when all is quiet and I turn to Him, is not only loving and forgiving, but is also incredibly wise.

My cousin called me a few days ago. She has a very crazy, very busy life, with lots of children with lots of problems, and her husband is having health trouble. She said to me that she tries to read her scriptures every morning, and she tries to connect to God, but she just can't hear Him! That has happened to me, too.

It's like there's a two way radio connection between a person who loves God, and the still, quiet voice in your heart,(which is the Holy Spirit), Who, if we let Him, will live within our heart.

When your life is too crazy, or when there are too many problems...or, as in my cousin's case when she despairs, because she has had too many immediate family members die, your connection to God can be damaged. It becomes like a radio with a lot of static on the line. You feel cut off. You feel alone and unloved.

This so called uncaring God sang to me again last night. This is the same time He has sung a song by Patsy Cline to me...silently, in the still of the night.

"You Belong To Me"

See the pyramids along the Nile
Watch the sunrise on a tropic isle
Just remember darling all the while
You belong to me

See the marketplace in old Algiers
Send me photographs and souvenirs
Just remember when a dream appears
You belong to me
I'll be so alone without you
Maybe you'll be lonesome too and blue

Fly the ocean in a silver plane
See the jungle when it's wet with rain
Just remember till you're home again
You belong to me

I'm gonna be so alone without you
And I'm hoping maybe you'll be lonesome too and blue

Fly the ocean in a silver plane
See the jungle when it's wet with rain
Just remember till you're home again
You belong to me

JBird · F

@4meAndyou that's what you want to believe. If that helps you, by all means, please continue. But I can't do that because I have seen too much in my life

4meAndyou · F

@JBird Many people have seen many things. Death is part of what we all must pass through. Evil is a choice, yet men still choose it. Apathy is a reaction. My poor cousin is helped by God, and she loves Him, yet she has been so beaten up by life she can't feel Him anymore.

I wish that you could feel His peace...because that is what He brings.

JBird · F

@4meAndyou oh yeah, I did feel peace after I knew religions are fake and we can control a part of life and certainly we don't have to waste time on God

4meAndyou · F

@JBird I don't believe that religions are God...I think He is separate from all that...and I think that we choose our lives...it is the consequences of our own actions which create our karma. Yet I still feel that love. I just wish you could feel it, too.

JBird · F

@4meAndyou I feel love but it isn't from God. It's from people that surround me.

4meAndyou · F

@JBird Good. I am glad you have that much. My own personal belief is that God is the source of all love. I'm sorry you were hurt.

Sharon · F

@4meAndyou [quote]I just wish you could feel it, too.[/quote]
I wish that you could find peace as I do, without going through all that rigmarole.