I Had An Alcoholic Father

Just about everyone in my family were alcoholics to a degree growing up. It's just how they dealth with life. Albeit not healthy in my mind. I went through so many changes about how I saw it then and see it now. It's simple to take the easy way out of life. Most people don't know how to be okay with themselves or life as it is. We want what we want when we want it. I try to stay in the moment and deal with what is at hand. When thoughts come up from any part of my past that I don't like, I've learned to let them past and see them as they are, just thoughts.

Thank you Docdon. I don't pretend to know why people do things as they do. I use to want to know why about everything. I try and just accept now. I like to think I've moved beyond it as well but without support and sharing our 'stories' I don't see how we can. I keep my faith and know someday all will be revealed. I'm good with not knowing sometimes... :)

Docdon, I had a mom who abandoned me and my 6 other brothers and sisters when we were young. I didn't want my children to experience that either but it ended up they had similar experiences. I learned I have very little control over life period!... It all works out the way it does in the end. I just hope and pray it's positive for everyone. :)

@ Docton It's nice to hear stories of addiction having good endings. I'm actually trying not to judge any of it or put any specific meaning to anything in life. I try to just accept things and people as they are. It's not an easy change for anyone. It's inspiring to know families do sick with each other through the tough times. I've seen all kinds of addictions in my life, family and friends. It's hard to understand if you've never been through some. I guess in a sense we all have them in one way or the other. Facing things and being there for others is hard. Had a lot of confusion about that growing up. Raising kids and sticking by them through their changes isn't easy. Some even have to risk them distancing themselves. No easy answers that's for sure.

Docton good to talk with you as well about it. A lot of people in my family and others around me still are in the same mindset and doing the same thing. I too beat myself up till I burned out on it. Now I'm just trying to accept and listen.

Wonderful outlook,justpeaceandlovr--I have finally moved beyond it, and I wish I understood the disease better when I was growing up...

Yes--the other thing is self esteem. My father made me feel totally inadequate growing up--i have learned, slowly, that I am a worthy human being, but I still beat myself up a lot and v]blame myself for lots of things and am harder on myself than anyone...I do a ton of volunteer work and taught for 41 years helping kids, but I still need every day to help someone to validate my worth as a person--silly, but that is how i am...self worth is a huge issue for children of addicts!

Docdon I have certain things I do that help me with my self esteem. It works for me. Do you do anything that is just for you that you love. I had to love myself and work on it everyday. And I give myself permission to feel, be and do what I need to do for myself. I make boundaries and I say no at certain times and feel good about it. I don't wish to harm anyone and I don't wish to harm me either. :) Guilt too is a hard one to get past.

justpeace(I love your name!!)--one thing that has helped me is to understand that addiction is a disease, one they do not choose to have. yes, they choose how they respond to it and behave...I also experienced my son becoming a heroin addict, but I stuck with him for ten years and countless rehabs, and now he is great, clean, married, good job and education, and a new baby!!

Yes!! growing up, my whole family, with me being last, abandoned my father, who eventually died alone far away...as abusive as he was to me, I still beat myself up for decades over how he died...as a teacher I used that, and helped many kids with substance abuse issues...some made it , some didn't...great to talk to you about this!!

Docdon it's not easy to change the way we've been taught to think and live and it can be exhausting. I really appreciate the support and encouragement to keep moving forward. Whatever that means... :)

justpeace--yes, I burned out as well--started down the same path as them--then i decided I did not want to treat my kids like my father treated me, and that changed my whole life...

Yes...as someone told me, which made sense, we can change two things--ourselves and how we react to others and situations...we can;t change other people or the situations!