I'm Angela; alcoholic.
I said it for the first time last night. And it's OK. I'm not OK but it's OK to not be OK.
A good friend took me to a meeting last night. She'd taken me before a while back but when they all went around introducing themselves I muttered "Pass". Last night I said "I'm Angela; alcoholic".
With hindsight I've drunk a lot for a long time. Regularly a bottle of wine with the evening meal and one or two generous G&Ts later in the evening. But my ex drank with me, he drank more, he often got off the train after "a bit of a lunch" smelling of scotch.
When I left him my drinking went up. I was sofa surfing around some friends. It got to the point where only one was putting up with me. There's massive irony in that as she'd had an affair with my husband. But finally she forbade me from drinking one night which I suddenly realised was hard and then got me to wise up, get a solicitor, helped me find a flat etc. So for a while I was not drinking as much again.
Last February I moved into a house. On my own, new city, few miles from my old friends etc. A new start. But on my own in a new house and place my drinking went up again. A neighbour a few doors up said hello one day asking if I was settling in. We'd said hello in the street a few times after that. A few weeks later I'm walking up the road and hear someone running up behind me. It's that neighbour we end up heading the supermarket together. We separate in there her saying "See you by the tills." I buy a couple of bits and head into the drink aisle to get A bottle of wine. I exit that aisle with 6 or 7, a bottle of gin and a small one of vodka. She's waiting. She looks in the trolley and then at me. I go into defence instantly. She listens and says "That's a lot for just your one bag. Why not leave it here and get it when you're in the car if it's not for now?"
We walk back and she says "I don't drink. Haven't for 10 years. Fancy a cup of tea and I'll tell you about it?" She took me to a meeting the following Monday. I muttered "pass" and listened. I decided I wasn't an alcoholic but that probably I shouldn't drink. That was April and I'd not drunk until Saturday.
Back to last night. I go in and sit down. Someone else I'd seen before and spoke to this weekend sat next to me. "Lovely to see you here". I instantly said "Not sure I should be. Not sure I'm an alcoholic". He smiled and pointed to a big poster someone had hung on the wall. Read number three. "The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking" (had to look it up again). He then emphasised only about three times in saying it. "See that other one read the first bit of number 1". "Powerless over alcohol" - that hit. He said "Saturday you had one drink and only meant to have one drink and what happened?" "I needed more" I said. "So do you think you may be powerless over alcohol? Do you want to stop drinking alcohol? If you answer yes to those two questions then you're in the right place".
Then it was introductions and with a deep breath for the first time I said "I'm Angela; alcoholic".
I listened - the guy talking had an horrendous story, family violence, crime, living in a car. Another guy then talked about years of sobriety but drinking when his wife died as he couldn't cope. Lots of people talked about drinking to numb emotions. I certainly identify. Going to another one on Wednesday and then on Friday.
A good friend took me to a meeting last night. She'd taken me before a while back but when they all went around introducing themselves I muttered "Pass". Last night I said "I'm Angela; alcoholic".
With hindsight I've drunk a lot for a long time. Regularly a bottle of wine with the evening meal and one or two generous G&Ts later in the evening. But my ex drank with me, he drank more, he often got off the train after "a bit of a lunch" smelling of scotch.
When I left him my drinking went up. I was sofa surfing around some friends. It got to the point where only one was putting up with me. There's massive irony in that as she'd had an affair with my husband. But finally she forbade me from drinking one night which I suddenly realised was hard and then got me to wise up, get a solicitor, helped me find a flat etc. So for a while I was not drinking as much again.
Last February I moved into a house. On my own, new city, few miles from my old friends etc. A new start. But on my own in a new house and place my drinking went up again. A neighbour a few doors up said hello one day asking if I was settling in. We'd said hello in the street a few times after that. A few weeks later I'm walking up the road and hear someone running up behind me. It's that neighbour we end up heading the supermarket together. We separate in there her saying "See you by the tills." I buy a couple of bits and head into the drink aisle to get A bottle of wine. I exit that aisle with 6 or 7, a bottle of gin and a small one of vodka. She's waiting. She looks in the trolley and then at me. I go into defence instantly. She listens and says "That's a lot for just your one bag. Why not leave it here and get it when you're in the car if it's not for now?"
We walk back and she says "I don't drink. Haven't for 10 years. Fancy a cup of tea and I'll tell you about it?" She took me to a meeting the following Monday. I muttered "pass" and listened. I decided I wasn't an alcoholic but that probably I shouldn't drink. That was April and I'd not drunk until Saturday.
Back to last night. I go in and sit down. Someone else I'd seen before and spoke to this weekend sat next to me. "Lovely to see you here". I instantly said "Not sure I should be. Not sure I'm an alcoholic". He smiled and pointed to a big poster someone had hung on the wall. Read number three. "The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking" (had to look it up again). He then emphasised only about three times in saying it. "See that other one read the first bit of number 1". "Powerless over alcohol" - that hit. He said "Saturday you had one drink and only meant to have one drink and what happened?" "I needed more" I said. "So do you think you may be powerless over alcohol? Do you want to stop drinking alcohol? If you answer yes to those two questions then you're in the right place".
Then it was introductions and with a deep breath for the first time I said "I'm Angela; alcoholic".
I listened - the guy talking had an horrendous story, family violence, crime, living in a car. Another guy then talked about years of sobriety but drinking when his wife died as he couldn't cope. Lots of people talked about drinking to numb emotions. I certainly identify. Going to another one on Wednesday and then on Friday.
