I stumbled again
I lost my backpack which was full of tools for my electric scooter. Over 100 dollars worth I think.
That’s what I get for being an idiot and thinking alcohol was the answer to my fears.
I’m afraid to make friends, I get scared when people wanna get close to me.
But you know what?
I gotta stop that.
No matter where I go, I have to be okay with being human.
I’m not gonna run away this time. I’m gonna stay and perhaps finally let people in.
It still doesn’t feel like me but when I consider what has happened in the past year, it seems I might actually be changing for the better.
I didn’t lose my job this time, I didn’t operate a vehicle to get home this time, I didn’t get arrested, I even asked for help from some allies. By the time they found me, I was barely holding on by a thread to whatever sanity I had left and it’s all thanks to those phone calls I made prior, knowing I was losing my mind.
Today will be a hard day, I’ll have the shakes, a heightened level of anxiety, no money in the bank.
But payday is in 9 days. I still have a roof over my head, I still got my job, I still have both of my electric scooters, I still have my jacket, my goggles, my wallet, my house key, I didn’t wake up with strange injuries, I didn’t suddenly find myself in jail or some treatment center.
I’m still able to fight and I’m ready for whatever is next.
That’s what I get for being an idiot and thinking alcohol was the answer to my fears.
I’m afraid to make friends, I get scared when people wanna get close to me.
But you know what?
I gotta stop that.
No matter where I go, I have to be okay with being human.
I’m not gonna run away this time. I’m gonna stay and perhaps finally let people in.
It still doesn’t feel like me but when I consider what has happened in the past year, it seems I might actually be changing for the better.
I didn’t lose my job this time, I didn’t operate a vehicle to get home this time, I didn’t get arrested, I even asked for help from some allies. By the time they found me, I was barely holding on by a thread to whatever sanity I had left and it’s all thanks to those phone calls I made prior, knowing I was losing my mind.
Today will be a hard day, I’ll have the shakes, a heightened level of anxiety, no money in the bank.
But payday is in 9 days. I still have a roof over my head, I still got my job, I still have both of my electric scooters, I still have my jacket, my goggles, my wallet, my house key, I didn’t wake up with strange injuries, I didn’t suddenly find myself in jail or some treatment center.
I’m still able to fight and I’m ready for whatever is next.
26-30, M
