If someone is in addiction recovery do they have to tell people they are in recovery before they make amends to them?

I had a friend (an ex bf actually) from a looooooooong time ago reconnect with me on social media. He apologized for being an awful person in the past. When I asked him about his kids he told me they were with their mom across the country which I thought was odd. He told me his “life coach” said to focus on the fact they are safe that’s all that matters, which I also thought was odd. He also mentioned that he spoke to his “life coach” about me which is also odd to me bc he never seemed the type to get a “life coach” and why would he be talking about me after all this time when I’ve moved on and am indifferent to him?

I suspect it was all a 12 step program directive and this life coach is actually a sponsor.

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Graylight · 51-55, F

His story is his to tell in his time, on his terms. He doesn't have to admit his condition to another, he has only to admit his wrongdoings and then try to make amends. Everything comes in time.

Jinxie · 51-55, F

Depending how comfortable he is in admitting he’s in recovery he may Not be ready to disclose this to anyone. 9th step is to help amend for what they did to another person. My sponsor also has me ask if there is anything I can do to make things right with the other person.
That’s why he may be reaching out to you.

DoubleRings · 51-55, F

Hmmm. Well I don’t think he asked that. I’d have to check for sure. he also may not have asked bc I am married now and it would be uncomfortable and awkward @Jinxie I just find it all odd cause I knew him since we were in our teens till I cut him off when I was around 32 and now he’s decided to take responsibility for being a jerk with some mysterious “life coach” in the background as he’s finding considerable peace with his peculiar life circumstances. (Recently divorced after a brief marriage, kids from another relatnsp very distantly relocated, yet he shrugs it off… not like him)

BackyardShaman · 61-69, M

Block him, if he’s in recovery that’s great but you don’t need him and you’re not obligated to him. It sounds a bit fishy to me.

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BackyardShaman · 61-69, M

Hopefully@Graylight

Northguy1 · 56-60, M

@BackyardShaman Yours is the kind of stigma that makes recovery more difficult than it already is. There are countless studies you can find on the internet, conducted by major institutions, that have found that 12-step programs are as effective as one-on-one behavioral cognitive therapy. The people in recovery who are dedicated to recovery will, in fact, change.

BackyardShaman · 61-69, M

@Northguy1 I did not dispute what you’re saying, this person apparently is “an ex boyfriend from a looooong time ago”, thus the OP here doesn’t need to be brought into this.

AthrillatheHunt · 51-55, M

Addicts in recovery are like vegans or Jehovah’s witnesses .
They will let you know as soon as they open their mouth. Lol

DoubleRings · 51-55, F

Some yes. I’ve seen that too. I’m not sure why that is. @AthrillatheHunt Hooray! i used to be an alcoholic, and now I’m not but I was, xx years ago!

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