Struggle with any addictions?

I did. I was a pain clinic patient for many, many years. Heavy opiates. Ive had surgeries since that time. Opiates on board for pain. I took them as always, as prescribed. Zero issues.
And although my journey is very different from recreational users, i was no less an addict.
Rehab. I owe my life to it.
Ive never relapsed. But, even though i dont advocate it for others, cannabis was/is paramount to by well being.

Now that you have tasted both addiction & recovery, why keep yourself vulnerable? Why give chances to relapse, to jails, or to an OD?
Come to NA meetings. It's unfashionable, not glamorous but it helps you to be free - free of drugs, free of relapse free of incarceration.
(I'm 61 now, 30 years of active using, 15 of uninterrupted recovery - life's good)
Best wishes

Smoked ciggs for 14 years, minor coke habit for a while in the early 2000s, went through a phase of doing a lot of hallucinogens and dissociatives, also had a drinking phase. Basically age 19-24 is a blurr.

too many..my demons are fighting each other...hahaha

Congrats on staying clean. And yes, relapses are part of the journey and not something to be judged. But while they happen and can be valuable learning places, a relapse doesn't [i]have[/i] to be part of recovery. Each relapse might be the last.

have you tried taking ayahuasca?

Just cigarettes. I quit three years ago.