The moment when everything turns off

After enough drink, enough smoke....

The ADHD in you, the autism in you, the depression in you, the anxiety in you.....

goes numb.

I want to say it turns off but while my mind is calm, by body is overheating and sweating.

I feel it as two separate things. My a/c is at 65. I can't feel any air.

I typed so many follow ups to that sentence but what can I honestly say.

Wanting to be sober naturally, of course. Wanting enough of a desire to see a psych. Being able to afford any treatment.

All I can do right now in this moment, while waiting to see a psych, is this numbing.

I tried propranolol, valerian, and ashwaganda. they dont work. I can't seem to tame by body temp.

alcohol and weed....

last resorts. I feel good.

But I am watching the time like a baker watches a cake.

8:32. Probably drank too much. Want more. Have to be awake by 6:30am. I take about an hour to fall asleep, and I wake up around 1am for an hour so I need to sleep by...fck I don't know I'm overwhelmed already

EDIT: this sleep calculator told me 10:30pm

https://www.sleepfoundation.org/sleep-calculator

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Graylight · 51-55, F

11 years ago, I was you. You have other options. That romantically tragic swan song stops cold right before the landing.

I don't know where you live, but in the US, psychiatrists push meds. And don't get me wrong, you'll probably benefit from them early on, but meds never have and do not now cure addiction, depression, anxiety or ADHD (recovery was important enough for me to become a therapist and help others).

Psychologists do mostly research and assessment; you can find a therapist with a degree, but you don't need to pay the premium. CBT (talk therapy) is the platinum standard for treatment right now. This is most successfully found with licensed mental health clinicians, addictions counselors, licensed clinical social workers and other similar titles. This is affordable therapy and often at least partially covered by insurance. It also tends to be very informal and friendly.

More than anything, you could use a meeting. Find the 12-step meetings that fit your need, pick one in your area, and go. Sit in the back, don't say a word if you don't want to. Don't stay the whole thing if you don't want to. But for at least an hour you'll be out of danger and surrounded by people who've walked your path and mapped it out for you.

Good luck. DM me for anything....

HellsBelle · 36-40, F

@Graylight I had to attend "meetings" to "support" my sister while she was in recovery and they made me sick. Boring, triggering, and sad. Even the "hopeful" stories never felt hopeful.

I want to see a therapist but therapists are just human. they get bored. do they really wanna hear me talk? or just get paid?

I ended up in the hospital after this post. and still can't bring myself to find a psychiatrist. They are just people.

Graylight · 51-55, F

@HellsBelle Nothing looks like it'll work until the person is desperate enough to see clearly the change is needed at any cost. Then the world's enemies become angels in your life.

basilfawlty89 · 31-35, M

Have you considered seeing a therapist?
CBT can really help as can medication.

As for the drinking, unless you meet the requirements of a severe AUD, I wouldn't worry if you're an alcoholic or not.

Even if you are, there are alternatives to AA.
The Sinclair Method is widely used in Finland, along with CBT and harm reduction and most problem drinkers reduce their drinking by 60%.

Graylight · 51-55, F

@basilfawlty89 Smart Recovery tries to blend the best of AA with the tenets of CBT and is very well received here in the states.

basilfawlty89 · 31-35, M

@Graylight it is, but the problem I have with AA is that it has a poor success rate. Most of the 12 steps are steeped in religion, not science.

The Sinclair Method works. I don't believe that thought terminating cliché of "one drink, one drunk". Both my great uncles were alcoholics and they got clean without AA, just with rehab and therapy.

I know people who used to the fit the definition of an alcoholic who are now moderate drinkers. I don't think there's a one-size-fits-all solution.

Graylight · 51-55, F

@basilfawlty89 The program is empirapically the gold standard...for fellowship, and there's a great difference between that and therapy.

Look into Nowinski and 12-step studies. I got clean with rehab and therapy. I stay clean through fellowship (and AA is as much religion or add little as you make it.)

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