Relaspse ramble shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh [I Addiction]

I drank again... Way too much and I'm stupid for making such a mistake.... I carved the shit out of my arm for it but....... I feel as though that isn't enough of a punishment.. Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh.. I won't do anything too drastic, I'm not suicidal or anything........ Buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut I really want to cut myself so much that I bleed out and am too weak for about 4 days or so just laying on the floor starving and dying of thirst then BOOM!! Get up malnourished and water deprived so I learn my god damn lesson. I know there's AA and whatever but, the guilt just crushes me so much.

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Doomflower · 36-40, M

If cutting yourself were an effective punishment wouldn't it have worked by now?

Get up and keep going. It's a lapse, not a relapse. Not unless you start drinking again regularly. You fucked up. Move on.

This reminds me so much of when I binge and feel like shit the next day.

bearinthehalfwayhouse · 26-30, M

@Doomflower I mean............ It's not very effective... But, it kinda reminds me the next day of what I done... That sorta helps... Not really... I just can't break the gosh darn cycle... I just need a good gosh darn smack in the face, ┬┴┬┴┤•ᴥ•ʔ

Doomflower · 36-40, M

@bearinthehalfwayhouse well... it sounds like cutting yourself is PART of the cycle. You can stop it here and try a new way to cope when things that trigger you to drink occur.